I f*in hate this car.

put your finger down in the #1 spark plug hole and you can use a screwdriver to bump the engine over or a remote starter switch by jumping acros the starter relay or the solonoid wires that are bolted to the starter when it comes up on compression it will push airpast your finger then simply stop the engine on the timing marker at 0* then pull the rotor off and look inside for the locator tab and then install it back on to the distributor by lining up the tab with the notch...then the rotor will go all the way down and then the cap will go down properly. check to see where the rotor is pointing, it should be pointing to the #1 spark plug wire,if so....good, if not then we have to diagnose for that....if it is not pointing to #1 most likely the plastic gear on the distributor
Oh gosh how the hell am I gonna feel the difference between the power and exhaust stroke with my finger ? Is there a certain noticeable difference?

Yeah that would help a crapton....If I had money.