WTF is This?!?

It's a female wolf spider or similar, can't tell from the picture, but its either carrying babies ( they carry the little ones on their back till they're old enough to hunt) or it's pregnant. They are harmless, they catch grasshoppers small mice and can even dive into water to catch small fish. They don't make webs except for sometimes nests in bushes.
Their teeth aren't angled right to give you a good bite, they can only eat small critters, so you're completely safe.:cheers: