A little ad etiquette. Pointers to writting a better ad

Jeremy: I am a professional advertising copywriter, I sell stuff on Ebay and I buy and sell old Mopars as a hobby, so I might be able to offer an opinion here myself.

Your ad, while well written, is more like a MAGAZINE article than a "for sale" ad. No offense, but it is way too wordy to keep my attention to the end.

As a buyer, I want to know about the car, how it runs and the price and location.

Here's an edit of your original ad, using YOUR words (but less of them):
Good luck!

Rare! 1972 Dodge Coronet 6 passenger station wagon in 90% original paint. Also has new polished torque thrusts with black wall out tires and tinted windows. (rear 15% / front 35%)
The paint has nicks, scratches, and chips but shines up well. There are some minor dents and dings There is also rust in the driver floor pan, the bottom of the spare tire area and a few minor little spots near the rear wheels.

The bench seat interior is in fair condition, but the seats could use reupholstered. The dash does have some cracks, but it is ok for a driver. Also the headliner may need replaced. I have added a factory Tuff wheel and adapter.

The original 318 2bbl and 904 trans have 112k miles and run well. It has an 8 ¾ with 11” rear drums and front disc brakes with the optional sway bar. I have lowered the front a little and put Monroe air shocks on the rear to give it an aggressive stance.

I bought this car from the 81 year old original owner. Everything mechanical is in very good working condition. I would trust it to drive anywhere.

I also have some extra trim parts and interior parts included with the car.

Asking $4,000.
Please contact Jeremy at (555)555-5555 or Email at [email protected]
Car is located in Logan, UT 84321
I can assist with load up and or meeting with delivery driver.

Thanks for looking.

Here's YOUR original:

***FOR SALE***

I have up for sale one of the funnest, coolest cars you will ever own. This is a very rare 1972 Dodge Coronet station wagon in 90% original paint. This car is a classic and gets views, comments, thumbs up, etc… everywhere it goes. To make sure it gets everyone’s attention, I added new polished torque thrusts with black wall out tires and I tinted the windows. All the rear glass is 15% and the front two windows are 35%. It’s so nice on the inside and just POPS on the outside.

The paint is thin and has nicks, scratches, and chips throughout. But really shines up well. There are some minor dents and dings in several places on the body, but nothing life threatening. As for rust, well the driver floor pan is pretty sad and the spare tire area is a bit soft in the very bottom. There are also a few minor little places near the rear wheels, but nothing to out of control or structural.

This wagon is the six passenger model and therefore only has the two bench seats and a ton of room for cargo or ….?. The interior is in fair driver condition, but the seats could use reupholstered. The front seat was done at one time, but looks a bit funky. The dash does have some cracks, but it is great for a driver and gives it a cool look. My biggest issue with the interior is the headliner is collapsing and I haven’t figured out what to do. I have added a factory Tuff wheel and adapter and it does give it a little more character (as if this car needed anything else).

This Coronet is powered by the original 318 2bbl and 904 trans. It has an 8 ¾ with 11” drums out back and disks up front. This car was also optioned with a front sway bar. I have lowered the front a little and put Monroe air shocks on the rear to give it an aggressive stance. With less than 112K orig miles on this awesome ride, most everything mechanical is still in very good working condition.

I bought this car from the 81 year old original owner out of Seattle, WA and have been keeping in contact with the family. They have shared some interesting stories about the car such as it spent 1973-1975 in the Philippines. I have put just about 3000 miles on her since the end of July and haven’t had any problems. It is an old car, so it has its little noises and shakes. But overall is in great running/driving condition. I can honestly say I would trust it to drive anywhere.

I also have some extra parts included with the car. Mostly trim parts and interior parts.

Asking $4,000 obo.
Please contact Jeremy at (555)555-5555 or Email at [email protected]
Car is located in Logan, UT 84321
I can assist with load up and or meeting with delivery driver.

Thanks for looking.