pissed at pinks!!!!

I like watching Pinks, but it's mostly for the laugh factor not so much the racing.

Here's my take on it.

Race 1:
Rich: "Hey, why don't you guys run heads up?"
Racer 1: "No, I can't do that, I've got a car that I threw togehter in my garage 20 minutes ago, he's got an all-out race car. Look, he's even got decals on the doors!"
Racer 2: "Buck-buck-buck (chicken noises)"
Crowd: "Heads up! Heads up!"
Racer 1: "Ok, heads up".
Rich: "Cale to the finish line, let's race!"

Both guys are on and off the throttle all the way down the track, racer 1 loses by 2 lengths.

Race 2:
Rich: "Racer 1, do you agree that you got spanked? What do you want for this race?"
Racer 1: "50 lengths"
Racer 2: "Nah, too much. How bout you turn on the bottle this time and we go heads up again?"
Racer 1: "I was on the bottle, all my lame car can do is run like a high 15 even with a 150 shot. Why don't you pull out the bottle and give me 5 lengths?"
Racer 2: "Ok, I'll pull out one of my 3 stages, but you only get 2 lenghts".
Racer 1: "Deal."
Rich: "Cale to the finish line, let's race!"

Racer 1 again loses by 2 lengths.

Race 3:
Rich: "Dude, you really suck at this. Racer 2, you got one mean-assed machine. We said to bring a 14 second car and you brought out Warren Johnson's old pro stock machine. You're gonna have to give up some lengths".
Nate: "These guy are pretty even, I don't think they're gonna need many lengths".
Racer 1: "Gimme 75 lengths".
Racer 2: "50, and that's it"
Rich: "That sounds like a fair race"
Track Manager: "You gotta fix that tranny leak before you can race again"
Racer 1: "51 lengths"
Racer 2: "50 and a half"
Rich: "Come on, it's half a length. How 'bout you just go heads up?"
Crowd: "Heads Up! Heads Up!"
Racer 1: "50 and a half"
Racer 2: "50 and a quarter"
Rich: "If you guys can't agree, I'm gonna call it and take both of your cars and sell them on eBay!"
Racer 2: "50 and a quarter, and that's it. I'm not giving my car away."
Nate: "50 lengths sounds fair to me!"
Racer 1: "Ok, deal".
Rich: "Cale to the finish line, let's race!"

Racer 1 goes out and slips in his own tranny fluid, nearly hits the wall while Racer 2 launches off the trans brake, pulls a monster wheel stand and runs a mid 7 at almost 200 MPH.

Cale: "Rich, Racer 1 lost by about half a mile. What was that guy thinking bringing the piece of junk out here?"

Music: "Walk Away... From me... My Love..."

Me: "Click"