A Dog Named Sex

A Dog Named Sex


Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him “Rover” or “Spot”. I called mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me.

When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog’s license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, “I would like to have one too!” Then I said, “But she is a dog!” He said he didn’t care what she looked like. I said, “You don’t understand. … I have had Sex since I was nine years old.” He replied, “You must have been quite a kid.”

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, “But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex.” He said he didn’t want to hear about my personal life. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. My family is barred from the church now.

When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that as long as we paid the bill, he didn't care what we did in the room. I said, “You don’t understand… Sex keeps me awake at night.” The clerk said, “Me too!”

One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. “You don’t understand,” I said, “I hoped to have Sex on TV.” He said, "Now that everyone has cable, that's no big deal anymore."

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, “Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but my wife wants to take Sex away from me.” The Judge said, “Me too!”

I left my dog at the Veterinarian. When I went to pick him up I said, "I've come for my dog." She said, "Which one, Spot or Rover?" I said, "I'm here for Sex." She slapped me. After I straightened out the misunderstanding, I asked if Sex was good for her. She slapped me again.

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o’clock in the morning. I said, “I’m looking for Sex.”

My case comes up next Thursday.