It all came to a head yesterday.

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Coyote Jack

Coyote Jack

Member #55, I'm old
FABO Gold Member
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Baxters Corner N.B. Canad
For the past 15 months we have been having serious problems with our grand-daughter who is also our foster child. 15 months ago she ran away and quit school. She was into drugs of all kinds. She was basically living on the street. This was all when she was 14 years old.

About 6 months ago we got her into a rehab center near here. The center decided that she was fit to go out in the real world again about 2 months ago so she returned home. It didn't take very long for her to go back to her old ways and she was off and running again.

This past weekend she returned home and on Sunday she got in a fight with her brother because he wouldn't take her to see her dirtbag friends. She tried to get physical with me but decided that was not to smart when I told her if she hit me again, I would hit her back and it would hurt. The local cops were called because she had stolen prescription drugs from her mother. They arrived at our house and things calmed down.

On Monday, it got worse. There was a knock em down and drag em out fight in our yard between her, her brother and her mother. My wife managed to stay out of it. I was at work and missed it. I got home shortly afterward, the cops were called again and arrived not to long after me. My wife had to take our grandson to the bus station and did so. The cop talked to the grand-daughter for a while and then to me. He had it set up for her to go to rehab again.

Then yesterday it started again. She informed us that she was not going to rehab. My wife and I had talked the night before and decided if this situation arose it was over. We had had enough. I told the grand-daughter to get some cloths and I was taking her to town. We talked along the way and this was what she wanted. I told this time we were kicking her out and she was not coming back. That was fine with her and at least now she could enjoy her summer.

I know some of this sounds very calous on my wife and my part but if you have not been in our shoes it is very hard to judge us. We have tried everything to get this girl help and our life has been hell for a long time. Not really what you need at our ages.

Sorry for the long story, just had to vent a little.

Jack
 
I would have done the same thing.
It's sad that some people will not get the help they need, and it sounds like you guys did the best you could.
She doesn't want to change, so rehab wouldn't do any good in this case.
I wish you and your family well, and hopefully your grand daughter comes to her senses.
 
Drugs...really screw up perception and focus.
Hang in there...set the example...good luck!
 
Sorry to hear Jack.I went through this with my X,s daughter(15 yrs old) when she moved in with us(My X,my young 2yr old daughter and me)Rules were to go to school,maybe get a job,go to bed at a proper time.I bent over backwards for the girl,but she got into drugs,wrong crowd,skipping school.We,re talking about a very smart girl,with excellent grades.Well she ended up splitting my GF and I up over her antics.The thing is,she was going through a phase and is now finished school,working 2 jobs,has her own car.I hope your grand-daughter can turn her life around and you get back on good terms with her.Sounds like you,ve tried everything.Good luck.
 
Sorry to here of your troubles. Hopefully she will find her own way soon.. Im not looking forward to Mya growing up. Shes all ready 5 going on 16.
 
It is not calous at all. You and wife tried your darnest, but she is/ may be beyond help right now.

It may take a life changing experience for her to see through it all, or as hard as it sounds, may cost her life.
Just know that you have done everything for her from within your own heart, and i am sure you have kept her alive this long.
 
Jack, sorry to hear of your troubles. Sounds like you did the right thing. You can not make some one get help for there problems. There is a quote some where in the AA book "A wise man does not manufacture his own misery", it is kind of a good rule to live by.....
 
I was like this when I was young. People helping me really was no help as I would just manipulate them. Being thrown out was the best thing my parents could have done. It woke me up and made me live in the real world. Now I look back and am ashamed of how I was but am proud of what I became on my own.
 
Jack,

I am a retired high school teacher-35 years. I have seen many families go through what you are now experiencing. Do not beat yourself, you did all that you could do. Maybe after living on the street she will realize what a good home you had provided. Hopefully, and I pray, that she comes to no harm on the street. I will pray that she survives and returns safely to you. God Bless!
 
Sorry to hear about this Jack. As 340plot said, you've seemingly done everything you possibly can to help this girl get a good start in life, but you can only lead the horse to water, you can't make it drink.
Every person in the world has free will, and that means they can do the right or wrong things, and there isn't really anything anyone else can do to help them until they decide to help themselves. Hopefully, something will change to eventually get her back on the right path.
 
340plot said:
It is not calous at all. You and wife tried your darnest, but she is/ may be beyond help right now.

It may take a life changing experience for her to see through it all, or as hard as it sounds, may cost her life.
Just know that you have done everything for her from within your own heart, and i am sure you have kept her alive this long.
Click to expand...

Jack,

I think plot has wrapped it all up pretty well with his comment. As parents (or grandparents), we do all we can to prepare our children for what's ahead. At some point they have to begin making decisions on their own. All we can do is hope they make the right ones. And pray...
 
Thanks for the support guys. It is a hard thing to do and we still don't wish her any harm and we hope she makes it. But we just couldn't take it anymore.

Jack
 
You have gave her your home /time /expenses/and she has upset you and your wife's life many times Jack, She had her shot at a good life and you have dun your part and more to help her get her head on straight and tight to reality...
And I agree, This is to much for any one to deal with and not fare to you or your wife to wake to this everyday. You have went beyond your responsibility to help.
Your life and your wife happiness and keep your home humble.
Stand strong on your feet, hard love is the best thing for her now.
my best wishes for her and first and foremost your home and life gets back to normal.
I would do the same, my wife and home will help people that help there self.. But not the ones that will not and turn to steeling and deceiving... I pray that this day will be the day that you and your wife can be humble and happy and know you have dun everything that can be dun and that this is behind you. calous!! No, you and your wife have gave and gave to help and just look at all the good days that you could have had sharing with your wife and those days are gone because of your time and commitment you have already gave her. He/She would have been out on the street before know if it was me...
My wife's happiness and mine is important at this time in our life Jack JMO.
 
YOU DID THE RIGHT THING.

I've been dealing with drunks, addicts and crack-heads for the past 25 years. My ex gf was once a stripper with a nasty drug habit. That $#!+ will f%^# you up. Even though she's been my ex for a long time, she won't let go of me - because I was an easy mark. I used to feel sorry for her self destructive ways. Plus she had my 2 cats which kept her on the straight and narrow while she's been living on her own. I would go over to see my cats (I'm allergic the the little buggers) and bring her cat food and kitty litter when needed since she couldn't afford it. Three years ago her mother in Alberta choked to death and my ex has been on and off drugs since then. This past year she's been full bore back on the drugs. I had to take the cats back because she wasn't looking after them. I still get phone calls that she's clean and sober and wants to come over and see her "babies". But I can tell from the sound of her voice she's messed up on the drugs and is jonesing bad. If I let her come over, she spends very little time with the cats and more time eating all my food, taking showers at my place because she's out of soap, shampoo and conditioner, takes my T-***** and socks so she's got something clean on. The B.S. just goes on and on. I told her she's on her own. She put me through hell for years and she's not getting another chance to do it again.

So after all that, addicts are master manipulators looking for sympathy. They'll try to spin things like we're the bad guys after they put themselves in a bad situation. You cannot change someone unless they are willing to change themself. Tell the kid that you'll support her if she goes back to rehab. If not she's on her own and don't come looking for any sympathy after she's $#!+ on all her friends and is all "alone".

I'll wish you good luck in this stressful time. Stand your ground. If you ever need to talk I can send you my cell #.


Wylde1.
 
Even though you know you have done the right thing, you must feel that you may have made the wrong one. It is unfortunate that sometimes we must let loved ones make the wrong decisions in order for them to learn on their own what is right and wrong. As much pain as it is causing you, I believe also that you made the correct decision. There is only so much that you can do to help someone that wants no help. Unfortunately, as Plot and others have said, it may take something serious for her to realize the error of her ways, and all you can do is hope and pray that whatever it is, the reprecussions of her actions allow her to realize the errors of her ways, without seriously impacting the rest of her life.

Take care, and remain steadfast.

Grant
 
Sorry Jack for what you are going through but you have reached your limit. You can't help but feel sad for people that get so hooked they can't see their problem is theirs and thiers alone. They blame everyone around them for all their problems and no matter how much you love them and try to help it seems to do no good. I hope she makes it ok but you have done all you can.
 
You did the right thing; it is up to her to straighten herself out.

I have been going through this for years with much younger siblings. One was able to straighten himself out after a few years of drugs and horrible decisions. The other two just keep going down hill.

I wish all the best for you and don't be hard on yourself; you did the right thing.
 
OMG Jack. This sounds like a bad episode of "Cops". I've bought parts from you in the past and know that you are a good guy. Sorry to hear you go through all of this. After all that you have done, I think you made the right choice. It sucks because you can't help to think of all of the trouble she can get into now that she isn't living at home anymore...
 
Sorry to hear this Jack. You and your wife did what you could. She has to want to kick her way of life. The worst is yet to come, but she's on her own now and hopefully will hit bottom soon without hurting herself or anyone else too badly. Just be there when she discovers what she's done to you, your family and herself and WANTS to really fix her life.
 
Maybe now my wife can have that retirement she was dreaming about when she retired 5 years ago. I know it can't get much worse than it has been.

Jack
 
daredevil said:
I was like this when I was young. People helping me really was no help as I would just manipulate them. Being thrown out was the best thing my parents could have done. It woke me up and made me live in the real world. Now I look back and am ashamed of how I was but am proud of what I became on my own.
Click to expand...

Unfortunately a big difference is that you were a boy and she is a girl with much more to offer in the here and now. That thing will get her into trouble and leave permanent consequences.

Tough situation and probably why I was afraid to marry and have kids.
 
Jack I would have done the same thing. You can only help those whom want to be helped. Its hard to put your flesh and blood out there. But sometimes they learn better that way. I will keep praying for your family. I know from past posts you have been going through alot. Hang in there.
 
If she is a minor send her off to military school with a closed campus. She will get straightened out real quick
 
I use the tough love method also.

Sounds like she needs to hit rock bottom, and sometimes the end result is not pretty but you did all you can as life is all about personal choices.

I can relate to your story here with numerous relatives.
 
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