Very Insensitive humor...
A man calls 911 and says I think my wife is dead. The operator says, How do you know? He says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest ***** she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg."
My girlfriend says she thinks that I might be a stalker. Well... she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
Went for my routine check-up today and everything seemed to be going fine... until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think its time to change dentists?
A wife says to her husband that You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. And he says What do you expect? You're in a wheelchair!
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come
back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."
My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.
There's a new Muslim clothing shop that opened in our shopping center, but they threw me out after I asked if I could look at some of the bomber jackets.
You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles
but at least they drive slowly past schools.
A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a mustache."
The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could
contribute towards the floods in Pakistan . I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway.
The problems we face today exist because the people who work for a living are outnumbered by those who vote for a living.