What are your favorite/most interesting sayings, aphorisms, metaphors, similes,etc.

"Dumber than a box of hammers"

"If It don't fit, force It,....If It breaks,It needed replacing anyway"

From my Navy days,.."If It don't move, paint It,...If It moves, Salute It"

"Tighter than 2 fat men in a phone booth"

"Ain't smart enough to pour piss out of a boot"

"On It like a fat gal sittin on a golf ball,....nuthin but dimples"

"Ain't got the commom sense of a doorknob"

"Common sense and dollars and sense don't work together"

"Got the attitude of a bent shitcan"

"Sticks out loke a woodie in sweat pants"

" If ya took his brain and put it on the edge of a razorblade, It would look like a pea rollin down a 4-lane highway"

"She's looser than a hotdog in a hallway"

And my recent fav, which I saw here on FABO,.."Beat to fit, Paint to match"