What are your favorite/most interesting sayings, aphorisms, metaphors, similes,etc.

You can't polish a turd, but, you can roll it in glitter.
Trying to make **** into strawberry jam.
I am actually faster than my dad thought he was.
It's a speed thing.....you wouldn't understand.
Off like a bride's nightie. ( quick )
Got a face like a dropped pie. ( ugly )
Got a face like a smashed crab. ( also ugly )
It's as hot as Hades. ( damn hot )
Gotta hit the frog 'n' toad. ( hit the road )
Gotta go drop the kids off at the pool.....( does not actually mean that....it's goin to take a **** ).
Gotta go back one out ( same thing ^^^^^^).
Goin down like a lead balloon. ( sinkin fast )
As dry as a wooden god. ( very dry )
As dry as a dead dingo's donger. ( also very dry )
Does the Pope wear a dress? ( of course he does........doesn't he? )
Goin off like a frog in a sock. ( gone nuts in a fight )
As dumb as a box of hammers. ( just dumb )
As happy as a pig in ****. ( real happy )
pig's arse ( meaning they just lied to you ).
As rare as rockin horse ****. ( very hard to find)
Went like a cut snake. ( fast)
Went like a scoldered cat. (also fast )
Runs like a hairy goat ( not very well ).
Screams like a wounded bull. ( very loud )
Nuttier than a fruitcake. ( just fvckin nuts )
Not the sharpest tool in the shed. ( a little bit ....dull )
About as bright as a black hole. ( still dull )
Several sangas short of a picnic. ( mentally not there )
Too many Roo's loose in the top paddock. ( also not there)
As bent as a Boxing Day turd. ( crooked )
He's as camp as a row of tents. ( he's a poofter )
More arse than a bus full of Poofters ( means too lucky ).