What are your favorite/most interesting sayings, aphorisms, metaphors, similes,etc.

Crooked as a dog's hind leg
Happy as a baby in a barrel full of titties
Dumb as a post
Stinks like a cow pasture after a napalm attack
I've had more ups and downs than a new bride's pajamas
I'm busier than a set of jumper cables at a redneck funeral
She talks so much her tongue is sunburned
She's a ''Butter face''. Everything is sexy butter face.
Either **** or get off the pot
It got knocked off like a ***** off a statue
Drive it like a rented mule
Does a frog have a water tight ***?
She's so fat, i would roll her in flour and go for the wet spot
He's so ugly, they had to tie a pork chop on his head so that the dogs would play with him
It's so cold, piss freezes before it hits the ground
There's so much snow here, you had to jack up the cows to milk them
It's so windy, a chicken laid the same egg twice
He looks like he was beaten with an ugly stick
Advice: don't piss upwind, pet a burning dog, or lick the monkey bars
She's got an elevator c***, always room for one more
Ram the daughter, Dodge the father
Useless as tits on a boar
Crazy as a shithouse mouse
He's spending money like a drunken sailor on shore leave
I've got more miles in reverse than you have in forward
It's not the flick of the dick that does the trick, it's the blob on the knob that does the job.