What are your favorite/most interesting sayings, aphorisms, metaphors, similes,etc.

I'll be right back, I have to take the browns to the superbowl

If it ain't broke don't fix it

Happier than a pig in **** on a warm summer day

My mamma only raises two fools, that was my brother and sister (modify the numbers and genders to fit your situation)

My grandmother drives faster than this and she's been dead 20 f-ING years!

It is what it is (I use that one daily)

When some asks you what's up? Reply with 'a chickens *** when it eats'