Sorry 'bout the language but there is no polite way to relate this. I went out to my car this morning and noticed the contents of my glovebox were strewn about the car's interior. I poked my head in to take a better look and was immediately greeted by the foulest stench imaginable. I recoiled in disgust and backed away from the car with my eyes watering. I took a moment to recover while muttering "WTF is that smell?"
When I opened the back door to investigate further, there was no way to miss the huge pile of human excrement in the back seat. At first I thought I was the victim of the most disgusting halloween prank ever but now I believe it was more likely a mentally ill person. Every item in the car was moved and examined. All the contents of the glovebox were in the rear cargo area. Each expired insurance card and registration was in a separate location. Every single seat pocket, drawer, door cargo area, was completely emptied.
All the maps were unfolded, Thomas guides opened, every scrap of paper in the car seems to have been examined at length. 3 pairs of gloves were relocated to other sections of the car. 2 pairs of prescription sunglasses were removed from their cases and placed on the dash. It looks like a dozen cigarettes were smoked and an entire book of matches was used and distributed around interior. Someone spent a lot of time in the car and the only things they seemed to ignore was a box of kleenex and a package of baby wipes - basically the two item that actually might have come in handy.
The thought that they touched virtually everything in the car before or after tuning it in to a toilet has essentually turned my car into a superfund site. I spent about 5 hours on the phone with my insurance agent, AAA, some body shops, the claims department, and rental car agencies . Everyone I talked to said this was a "first" for them. No one really knew how to proceed and State farm will have to send someone out to help come up with a plan of action. The tow truck driver could not stop laughing and said his workmates were already giving him a hard time about this "sh*tty" call.
I cant say I am excited about getting back in that car which by now is surely an active fecal matter incubator. I have no idea how the shop or the insurance is going to deal with it but I should find out a bit more tomorrow.
There is plenty of opportunity here for some really good jokes and puns so don't be shy if they come to you. When my friend dropped me home after basketball, he said "good luck with the car and don't let anyone give you any sh*t.