Post your favorite saying

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my mother only raised two fools, and they were my brother and sister...
 
Hotter than a fresh f__ked fox in a forest fire.
Flatter than Grandma's ***.
Slicker than an eel in a tub of snot.
Crookeder than a barrel of fishhooks.
 
After raising our boy I found that I adopted a lot of phrases. ie. Boy , I'll pound you like tent peg. Boy, I'll stomp a mudhole in yer *** n walk you dry. Boy, you ain't got the sense God gave a flea. If you shake it more than twice, yer playin with it. Talk back to Momma again n' I'll beat you like I don't know you.
I ride that kid hard but he turned out so-so.
Then there are those good ones with a good message. Beware of an employer who's worried about you f***in them. They're worried cuz they're f***in you. This place ain't got enough room to change your mind.
 
up **** creek without a paddle

one for the kids - move out now ,while you still know everything

gas , grass or *** no one rides for free

wine me dine me 69 me

if I had a wooden **** you'd have slivers in your mouth.

**** for brains
 
Its like a color or song cant have just one favorite.

Most came from my Dad.

Your odder than Dicks hat band.

Your nuttier than Hogans goat

Dont cry over spilt milk

Its going to get worse before it gets better

They are all crazy except for me and thee, and sometimes I wonder about thee.

Since Hector was a pup
 
Oh yeah who could forget when simply saying oh **** isnt enough?

**** piss and corruption!
 
"He don't have the sense to pour piss out of his boot"

As nervous as a cat in a room full of rockin chairs...

Dumber than a box of hammers...
 
Gotta add one from a lady I worked with long ago . Her husband had passed, at the viewing she turned to us and said " look at him lying there all dressed up and too proud to speak "!
 
I'm so old, I can remember when the Dead Sea first got sick.
If steamboats were selling for a dime a dozen, all I could do is run up and down the bank yelling, man that is cheap.
When I was a kid, Hell was just a campfire.
I'm so poor, I can't afford to pay attention.
S**t in one hand, wish in the other. See which one fills up faster.
 
Happy as a puppy with 2 peters! And another one is parents with guys only have to deal with 1 peter but parents with girls have to worry about all of them!
 
Its better than a kick in the nads.
 
he doesn't have a pot to piss in

well ain't that just a kick in the head

she's so ugly she could scare a bulldog off a meat wagon

uglier than a mud fence

she's so ugly she has to tie a pork chop around her neck just to get the dog to play with her
 
"you smell like a pile of ****, but sadly your only half as useful"
"looks like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mamas *** and ended up as a brown stain on the matress!!"
"theyre so old they have the recipe for dirt"
 
I use a couple that my wife hates

When on a road trip and seam to be lost I say "Life's An Adventure Hop On Board"

OR

When we drive by a wedding I say " FOOL "
 
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