update on custody etc. Anyone else raising their grandkids?

I somewhat feel your pain. I went through 4 years of a custody battle, fighting my daughters mom and Children services. Being male it was a long road to get to where i am now.
My parents were a big help in me gaining full custody of my daughter. Without getting into specific details (fear of lurkers) My parents are still in my daughters life every day. I believe they enjoy having her around and helping to raise my daughter. Things did get very stressful when i had no choice but to live with my parents over the 4 year long battle. Everyone was stressed about the next court day. (seemed like every other week for four years)

My honest opinion is go for the permanent custody. You have already raised the kids to where they are now. Around here judges and lawyers do not like to move a child if they do not have to. So in the best interest of the children you will be the sole custodial parents. With each excuse that seems to come from them it sounds like the legal system is providing them with a lawyer due to lack of funds. The justice system does not seem fair when you are fighting against someone that has a free lawyer and your paying 350/ hr to have a lawyer.
You have to step outside of the box and look at the kids first. You may think your son is Mr wonderful, but there is obviously something that is taking the best from him. I can not blame his wife, because he is making his own choice.
The best thing i ever did was get away from my daughters mom and get focused on the real world again and focus on my daughter (daughter is now 5). I may have hated the police for the crap they put me through (cops believe women before a man) but in the end it all turned out for the better.

Never run around to kiss the biological parents ***. If they want to see their children they will find a way to get to them. The odd excuse is acceptable but in your situation you should not have to do any running and hold your ground. The best interest of the child is to stay in a stable and caring environment. The parents can come visit when they need to at your own discretion or court order. Make sure the parents do the running as if they do not show up the kids can continue to play in their environment where they seem to be thriving.
I am sure the kids see your 16 yr old daughter as somewhat of a role model. My sister lived with my parents for 2 of the years i was there. My daughter gets very excited to see my sister when she comes around, but due to her life moving on and having other things to do we rarely see her now.
Yes your stand may cause friction in your family, but if your doing it for the kids then you are in the right. I fought 4 sisters (yes i have 4 of them) that men are capable of raising a child. The stereotype that a man cannot do it was a long battle with my sisters and with alot of people in society. I had to go through hell with children services because of having a ***** and also had to jump through flaming hoops and crocodile pits to prove I could do it.

I may come off blunt and heartless but look after the best interst of the children and move on with your son as he has grown up and can now make his own good/bad choices. No sense in standing beside him when he does not seem to care for his own kids, but would rather have excuses. Are you prepared to also raise the 1 year old that they have right now? The precedence is set that you have the other kids and it only seems a matter of time that something happens and the 1 year old is gone into protective custody and you will never see that child ever again until he/she can make their own choices.