Little Johnny Stories - I Like Your Thinking

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kargyrl93

kargyrl93

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Every one's heard Little Johnny stories by now... I came across a few from Facebook, and thought I'd share mine as well. :D

#1- One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell me what fruit I'm talking about."

"Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red." Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely, ignored him and picked Jenny, who promptly answered "An apple."

"No Jenny, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now, for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish." Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy."Is it a peach?"

"No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like you're thinking. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard."

By now, Johnny is about to expolde as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana," she says. "No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking."

Jonny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and it's got a head on it."

"Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"


#2- Little Johnny comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said Little Johnny. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks. "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk." Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. Little Johnny looks up at his mother with a smile, and says: "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"
 
"Lil Johnny"

Old biker sitting in his lazy boy watching t.v. and in runs little Johnny.
Johnny grabs a handful of smarties off the coffee table throws them
in his mouth , then grabs the cat and bites it and runs outside. Biker
kinda shakes his head and thinks to himself " that was a little strange"
and keeps watching the t.v. Well a few minutes later Lil Johnny comes in the
house grabs some smarties throws them in his mouth then grabs the cat
bites it again and runs out the door. Biker thinks ok that is wierd. Well a
few minutes later lil Johnny comes in the house and grabs some smarties ,
bites the cat and runs outside again . The old biker is getting anoid now.
Well a few minutes later lil Johnny comes in the house grabs some smarties throws them in his mouth grabs the cat and bites it and as he is running for the door
the old guy yells "STOP - what the hell are you doing Johnny?"
Lil Johnny stops looks up at the old guy and says I'm playing .
old guy says "playing"
johnny says yah I'm playing biker
old guy says What?
Johnny says I'm playing biker .....
Mom said all bikers ever do is pop pills eat pussy and split....
 
Wheels said:
"Lil Johnny"

Old biker sitting in his lazy boy watching t.v. and in runs little Johnny.
Johnny grabs a handful of smarties off the coffee table throws them
in his mouth , then grabs the cat and bites it and runs outside. Biker
kinda shakes his head and thinks to himself " that was a little strange"
and keeps watching the t.v. Well a few minutes later Lil Johnny comes in the
house grabs some smarties throws them in his mouth then grabs the cat
bites it again and runs out the door. Biker thinks ok that is wierd. Well a
few minutes later lil Johnny comes in the house and grabs some smarties ,
bites the cat and runs outside again . The old biker is getting anoid now.
Well a few minutes later lil Johnny comes in the house grabs some smarties throws them in his mouth grabs the cat and bites it and as he is running for the door
the old guy yells "STOP - what the hell are you doing Johnny?"
Lil Johnny stops looks up at the old guy and says I'm playing .
old guy says "playing"
johnny says yah I'm playing biker
old guy says What?
Johnny says I'm playing biker .....
Mom said all bikers ever do is pop pills eat pussy and split....
Click to expand...

Now that's funny!! :D
 
Little Johnny and his Dad have to move to a seedy neighborhood after the divorce, Johnny's in the back yard playing. He notices men going in a door across the street, and when they come out they have a big smile on their face.
After a week or so he asks "Dad, what the hell they sellin' over there that makes all them fellers so happy?"
His Dad looks the place over and says "Never you mind boy. You're too young for such as that."
Another week or so goes by and curiosity gets the best of him. He goes and breaks his piggy bank, takes the 37 cents and runs across the street.
He walks up to the counter and sees a woman with huge boobs sitting behind it.
He says "Ma'am, I wanna buy 37 cents worth 'o whatever it is you got in here that's makin' all them fellers grin so much."
The Madam looks at Johnny, smiles and reaches between her legs, then reaches over the counter and runs her finger under his nose.

Johnny wrinkles his face and yells "Sonofabitch! Glad I didn't buy no dollars worth!"
 
redlined said:
Little Johnny and his Dad have to move to a seedy neighborhood after the divorce, Johnny's in the back yard playing. He notices men going in a door across the street, and when they come out they have a big smile on their face.
After a week or so he asks "Dad, what the hell they sellin' over there that makes all them fellers so happy?"
His Dad looks the place over and says "Never you mind boy. You're too young for such as that."
Another week or so goes by and curiosity gets the best of him. He goes and breaks his piggy bank, takes the 37 cents and runs across the street.
He walks up to the counter and sees a woman with huge boobs sitting behind it.
He says "Ma'am, I wanna buy 37 cents worth 'o whatever it is you got in here that's makin' all them fellers grin so much."
The Madam looks at Johnny, smiles and reaches between her legs, then reaches over the counter and runs her finger under his nose.

Johnny wrinkles his face and yells "Sonofabitch! Glad I didn't buy no dollars worth!"
Click to expand...

This one is hilarious!!! Thanks! :D
 
redlined said:
Little Johnny and his Dad have to move to a seedy neighborhood after the divorce, Johnny's in the back yard playing. He notices men going in a door across the street, and when they come out they have a big smile on their face.
After a week or so he asks "Dad, what the hell they sellin' over there that makes all them fellers so happy?"
His Dad looks the place over and says "Never you mind boy. You're too young for such as that."
Another week or so goes by and curiosity gets the best of him. He goes and breaks his piggy bank, takes the 37 cents and runs across the street.
He walks up to the counter and sees a woman with huge boobs sitting behind it.
He says "Ma'am, I wanna buy 37 cents worth 'o whatever it is you got in here that's makin' all them fellers grin so much."
The Madam looks at Johnny, smiles and reaches between her legs, then reaches over the counter and runs her finger under his nose.

Johnny wrinkles his face and yells "Sonofabitch! Glad I didn't buy no dollars worth!"
Click to expand...

Who says you cant find stuff for cheap on FABO "37 cents deal of the week" .
 
Kar, when its time to remember the joke. It whenever people start telling jokes you can never remember them... Its got to happen to everyone I'm sure Bill
 
pro-tech said:
Kar, when its time to remember the joke. It whenever people start telling jokes you can never remember them... Its got to happen to everyone I'm sure Bill
Click to expand...

Yea, I got that... Now. lol

Everyone forgets something they were going to say often enough.

Some call it a "senior moment"

Other's say it's "CRS" - Can't remember ****

I just use "CRAFT" - Can't remember a fu**ing thing

:D
 
"Mrs. Brown, can little Johnny come out and play?" "Why, boys you know he has no arms and legs." "Yeah we wanna throw him on the hot pavement and watch and watch him flop around."
 
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