I need help in the worst way!
PTSD is an angry thing. You don't have to be a veteran to get it, just human.
Exactly. There are times I want to watch the world burn. There are times that the wrong thing said, the wrong thing done will set me over the edge and I want to light the match and
make it burn.
The dreams. Waking up in the middle of the night crying because you see your loved one right in front of you, so close and so real that you can reach out and touch him or her and then you realize it was all just a dream and it makes the heartbreak even worse because you were convinced that it was real.
Seeing the event over and over in your mind, sometimes replaying for hours at a time. Thinking of things that could have been done differently, but knowing that nothing can be changed. Trying to draw your mind out that place by finding something - anything - to occupy your mind.
Seeing something for the first time and knowing that your loved one would love to see it or hear you tell him or her about then the sudden realization that you can't pops into your head and the reality of the situation hits.
Looking at the things that you promised to do together and realizing that's over now. You're forced to do those things alone and alone it reminds you of what could have been.
Those deep, dark places in your mind that you have to push yourself through, because if you stop in the middle of them, you'll never come out the other side.
Getting angry with your loved one because he or she didn't do "this." Getting angry with yourself because you didn't do "that."
People who are well meaning or who have good intentions will tell you to go on and get over. Those people are clueless and you have to forgive them for their cluelessness. They speak out of ignorance of never having to witness and live with such as you have. The rational mind can say that, but emotions, especially the grieving process and all the emotions which come with it, knows no rationality as it will - and can - come and go as it pleases.
Support. Find someone who supports you, let's you cry, let's you rant, let's you vent, let's you talk, and listens. Someone who doesn't tell you what to do as the grieving process is different for everyone. There's just a commonality that brings us together.
