Need advice from Step Fathers/Fathers please

... And then I read the comments on this page ^^^^

Dude, don't let people boil you in a cauldron over your choices. I'm in the same position that you are in and I'm well aware that people LEARN from mistakes made in their past.

In my experience and in my humble opinion, it actually strengthens a relationship, because you know what not to do, as well as her. As long as you back off of assumptions (this is the root of miscommunication) and talk about any problems that may arise, you two will be in great shape, and the more you develop your relationship with the 2 and 4 year old you've got around, the better your relationship will develop with her, as well.

My step son had the same issues with attachment. His biological dad is an alcoholic and has been sketchy at best. When they cling to you, they are looking for affirmation and I can imagine that as a kid who didn't have his dad around, it can even make it more dramatic.

Here is my advice to you; be inclusive with them. Show them what you are doing, when you work on your car, find things that you have in common, even if it's just a cartoon you like and do something with them for at least a half an hour, each day. The more you can, the better. Hugs and kisses are a good thing, but what I try to do is spend most of the time that I give him attention with, to be sure that it serves a focus/ function, like working on something together, have him help with hardware, give him a part to play/ work on, playing a game or any activity I feel up to.

This will help develop your common interests, but most importantly, it will help with making the kid feel loved and welcome in your life, which will give them more confidence and the clingy behavior will slowly improve.

If you've got to say no to them, just explain why and give them something positive to look to. "No, you can't sit on my lap right now." just gives them a wall and they don't have the experience with logic that we do, yet. "No, not right now, lets do this instead, but I'd love to watch a show with you later." gives them a way to let go of what they want, without feeling a loss. Eventually, you won't need as many bargaining pieces like that, because they will understand that you aren't pushing them away, out of your life, but rather offering an alternative.

Another thing you can do is tickle them.