Is this dumb or brilliant? You decide.

Yes. Yours are definitely are more vertical than mine. Anyone ever took heat to them while hanging in the air and then let them cool? I know back in the day that was done in reverse as a poor - man's lowering kit.

Heating the springs like that isn't likely to help your cause. It's a horrible way to lower a car, and unlikely to have any better results trying to re-arch them. You'd be more likely to stretch something and make your problem even worse.

And at this point, we don't even know if the springs really are the right length. There should be a part# stamped into the bottom leaf on each side, at least there should be if they're relatively new SS springs as claimed. See if you can find that, so we know you aren't dealing with stock or XHD B body springs, which would be 2" too long.

Part # should look something like this, the # is on the back side of the driver's spring and the front of the passenger spring. Sorry, this one's a little blurry, but you get the idea...