Married guys - car budgets and honesty

sargentrs said
Women marry men in the hopes of changing them. Men marry women hoping they'll never change. And they usually both delusional.

I worked with my wife for 5 years before we got married. Fortunately, she left our employer a few months after we started dating. Within the first couple of weeks I brought up the subject of "joint financials". I asked her how much money she had and what bills were due. She said she didn't know, it had been a couple of months since she balanced her checkbook. I asked her to do so then and we'd talk about consolidating our finances. She reached into her purse, pulled out a double handful of receipts, sat at the computer for 45 minutes, turned around and said "I THINK I have...". I stopped her right there and told her she was NOT touching my bank account. We decided then that she would take care of her vehicle, personal maintenance and buy the groceries in the household and I would pay everything else. That was 13 years ago. Last year she confessed to me that she had $16000 in credit card debt and could no longer pay the minimum balances so she filed with one of those "debt management" programs. I took over paying for 6 of the accounts that they would not cover and paid them all off in about 6 months. She still has 2 years left on her program. I refuse to touch anything else, she swims or she drowns. Hence, I don't let her know how money I have saved, what bills are paid when, or what I have in my 401K investments. She is incapable of managing money. All the bills I carry are paid on time or early, any credit cards are paid off or down, depending on what has to be spent unexpectedly, I'm targeting to be debt free for retirement at 62 and intend to pursue this "hobby" full time until the day I die. She can come along for the ride or she can thumb another one. I hate to be that way but I already had 2 take me to the cleaners and never again will any woman have that kind of grip on me. Do I love her, yes, and I'll spend the rest of our lives together happily. I just need, for my own personal peace of mind, to make sure we do so comfortably. Until she got her new car in December, we had NO joint bills, accounts, anything. Now we're both on just the car note but I can take that over if we split.

Pretty much agree with what you said. I was medically retired in 2014 from military service. One day last July my wife in the morning before leaving for work says I'm having the home phone turned off because we have cell phones and the satellite package changed to the basic package since we don't know as of yet what your retirement will be. I agree and thought it was a good move. That same day 3 steps in the door she informs me that she is putting in a sunroom she always wanted. I explained my displeasure her doing this with the comment that morning and it fell on deaf ears. Two days later she tells me that the contractor will be starting that day and she went to the credit union and got a personal loan. Just like the 4 vehicles she previously purchased without consulting me. I always was under the assumption that any major purchases or anything costly was a joint decision. I can also remember years ago I was going rounds in an all Mopar drag race and being called for the 3rd round she tells me to red light since it's so hot. I said no way this was my day and ended up going to the semi's. Before we left the house I told her she had a choice going along or staying by the pool, she chose the first so she had to deal with it. I'm a firm believer of sticking it out for life, but at 53 and 33 years behind me it gets tougher to remain a positive thinker about that. Never took bill money for my projects always my overtime, and always made sure the bills we're paid. I have told her how lucky she is to have me as I don't hang out in bars, don't drink or chase skirts, but that means nothing. Just my 2 cents. :burnout: