New Windows laptops are aggrevating

<<<RANT WARNING>>

I have a fairly new HP15 laptop, about a year old. Has 2GB, 500GB SATA HD Win8.1 64bit on it and minimal apps as I rarely use. it.
I got a 8 year old Toshiba, 2GB and an 140 G SSD running Linux Mint 17.1 32bit.

I use the 8 year old Toshiba exclusively now that I got the SSD. This thing is a rocket compared to that HP and it can boot up in 12 seconds, no joke. I turned on my win8 rig to use the SD reader for the first time in about 2 months and it literally took 5 minutes to boot as it had so many 'updates' that it had to load, then to top it off, it rebooted a second time and loaded another minutes worth of updates! Now im watching it run a automatic security scan, oops now its running an update to its security database. Ooh, it got to 4% and now the laptop is restarting again! This is hilarious! we are now 12 minutes into me plugging it in and Im watching it restart a 3rd time...ok, now after another 50 seconds, its telling me to "please wait"20 seconds, not bad. Doh, teaser! went to log in screen then back to please wait.....30 seconds later: login. ok, spinning (jeopardy theme in the background) ...OK empty desktop 9 things in the system bar on the bottom (all stock) OK, spinning cursor. MARK 8:36 PM. I plugged it in 8:20! Granted, it does have a brighter screen thats 1" wider but 1 inch shorter and LOWER resolution! And the battery life is still pretty good at about 3 hours, but I just bought a new battery for my old Toshiba for $5.00 on Amazon. I have pre-release win10 on my desktop and its alright, but doesnt support my old Nvidia 8800GTX graphics card (generic driver) but it has no bloatware with it.

Microsoft, lean Win10 way down, bring back the desktop and stop these mandatory updates! Or just make a Linux distro look just like Win7 and call it Win9L.