Stalls in Gear, Automatic- Restarts Good- Can Slam it into Gear! EEEK

Yes, your pickup could be bad from contacting the reluctor. I doubt it's an issue though, typically when bad the engine simply quits when warm. But there's no guarantee. I would bet on your current issues being at the carb, though.

If your metering rods need to be way up to idle, something is off. (I agree) You're effectively running off the venturi's feeding fuel, which is not the way it's supposed to work. (I agree)

You need to put the metering rods to factory/stock and then figure out why it may not be getting fuel at idle.(it wont run then) Either back the idle mix screws out a bit until it will idle (its turned all the way in, if backed out will stall) - and if it still won't, then you need to determine if there's a plugged passage or something (its not blocked to the best of my knowledge all checked now when carb was off except idle screws but I checked that last night. only so many holes. I probably checked the idle screws and I probably loose credibility about this but its all good) (This seems like a decent explanation of what to look for in the idle circuit. Easy Fix for Jeep 258 Carter BBD Idle Problem ) (ill . I wouldn't lower the floats just yet, you need to figure out why it won't get fuel at idle, first. It should run pretty good at factory settings with factory parts. You can fine tune it more, later. (what are factory setting for the carb? I assume the kit has the correct specs but what if for eg the float setting is not 1/4 and should be lower?)

Where is your idle screw set?(all the way in) Does the engine die if you back the idle screw out way far?(no, but in gear it will most times sometime it just barely stays running in drive or reverse) OR will it keep running? If it keeps running with the idle speed screw backed off, then there's a vacuum leak somewhere.(checked for leaks at hoses, carb basegasket and intake, found and replaced leak at intake retested good) You may try plugging the PCV as a troubleshooting method to see if its the proper one.(did that no difference) Some will bypass too much air at idle and cause instability.(new pcv because I thought the same, no diff)

Leave your timing at 12 degrees with the vac line unhooked(unhooked while trying to set carb?). Don't go messing with it until the carb behaves as it should (metering rods down, idle mix screws have an effect on idle)(ah, ill try that. unhook vac to dist, reset rods, try to adjust idle screws). It's NORMAL for more timing to add vacuum(but more timing, I advanced it, has made less vacuum, 20 down to 15), you don't need to max your vacuum at idle with timing. Total timing isn't a problem until after your carb is working properly(ok). Your advance shouldn't start to kick in until 1k+ rpm anyway, and idle should be below that(ok).
thank you kindly again for your continued help/support.