I am really gong through a rough time emotionally and in all areas right now and need someone to tal

Tom, are you still in NC? if so, why!? it sounds like you REALLY need a change of scenery -- I have a close relation that went through something very similar, after the family member passed she said F it and moved to Florida, got a job, and spent any and all of the time she wasn't working sitting on the beach reading and contemplating - and it worked. Really helped her get her head right. Moral of the story - sometimes you need to change your latitude to change your attitude.