Can't be the cam, it has to be me?

Sure can be that far off.
We can't check your technique without knowing a few things. These are probably dumb question and not meant to insult you.
- Using a degree wheel? Yes? Degrees CW from the 0 on the degree wheel are BTDC, and CCW from the 0 are ATDC.
- Are you measuring at .050" TAPPET lift? Not at .050" valve lift right? (But that would not show up both intake events off in the same direction....)
- If you needed to advance the cam, then yes, use the 8* advance marked slot. Your last question is perplexing....
No offence taken. Using a degree wheel, same one I've had for 20+ years, just not used all that much. Heads aren't on the motor, and the dial indicator plunger is directly into the lifter. As I mentioned before, 4 or 5 of the 9 keways on the crank sprocket won't go over the crank key, or bind up for some other reason...so after setting everything up as Yellow Rose posted, I just played with combinations (ignoring the dots on the sprocket) until I found one that lined up correctly. I'm thinking it was coincidence that it happened to be the 8 degree retarded slot.