Stop in for a cup of coffee

A horse walks into a bar.
Bartender says "Hey, why the long face?"
The horse leaves and 10 minutes later, John Kerry walks into the bar.
Bartender says "Hey, weren't you just in here?"

John Kerry leaves and Ted Kennedy walks in.
Bartender blinks twice and says "I think my eyes just switched from portrait to landscape."

A ham and cheese sandwich walks into a bar
Bartender says "Hey, you have to leave."
The sandwich says "Why?"
Bartender says "Because we don't serve food here."

A nun walks into a bar wearing a pink and purple sequined outfit.
Bartender says "I'm sorry sister, but I can't serve a nun wearing an outfit like that."
The nun says "Why not?"
Bartender says "Because it's a bad habit."

A man wearing a new $1000 suit walks into a bar and orders a drink.
After a little while he asks the bartender if he has anything nice to say about his suit.
The bartender says "Sorry, but I can't."
The man says "Well if you can't, who can?"
Bartender says "Try the peanuts, they're complimentary."