My version of The Night Before Christmas.

And here's my contribution:

Twas the night before Christmas, and out in the shop
Dad messed with the steering, trying to take out the slop
He played with the caster, the camber and toe
When he slipped off the adjuster, I heard him say Doh!

The wrench hit the floor, and slid under the engine
His knuckles now bleeding, his words I won't mention
Short of a bandage, he went for a drink
Cracked open a cold one, and sat down by the sink

He rinsed off the blood, the cuts were just small
Black tape and paper towel, took care of it all
Back to the car, he reached under for the wrench
He couldn't quite reach, so he set his beer on the bench

He laid down on the floor, and stretched as far as he could
He managed to reach it, but it didn't feel good
The box end had broken, cheesy tools he thought
I should have known better, I paid for what I got

Back to the bench, for another swig of beer
He gazed out the window, and noticed a deer
That's kind of strange, he thought to himself
He looked back at the car, and there was an elf

His beer hit the floor, and spilled all over the place
Thinking he must be dreaming, he slapped his own face
The elf started laughing, and in a calm voice
He told dad to relax, leave it to him and the boys

Before he could blink, or gather his thoughts
Three more little elves, showed up in the shop
They started to work, without hesitation
One looked at Dad and said, I see your frustration

You would never have gotten rid of the slop
Lucky for you, we brought our tools from the shop
The steering box is shot, as well as the ball joints
But we got em in the sleigh, along with some new points

That's funny Dad said, as he leaned on the railing
How did you know, the ignition was failing
It's been starting tough, and that's what I dread
It cranks and it cranks, til the battery is dead

The lead elf looked up, and said with a sneer
We've watched you all year, and that's why we're here
You've been a good father, and your family loves you
So we're here to reward you, that's what we do

The wrenches they turned, and you could hear the elves giggle
When they finished their work, nothing would wiggle
The steering was tight, alignment dead on
One jumped in the seat, and turned the key on

With a flick of the switch, the engine sounded way better
Dad looked under the hood, and saw brand new headers
He stared in amazement, and listened to the sound
When he turned back to thank them, no one was around

He raced to the window, and wouldn't you know
The deer it was gone, but there were sleigh tracks in the snow
He looked up to the sky, and what did he see
But twelve little reindeer, escaping the scene

He ran out the door, and yelled at the top of his lungs
Thank you my friends, you don't know what you've done
That's when he heard, a voice yelling back
If you think you're happy now, wait till you get to the track!


Alternate ending

He raced to the window, and wouldn't you know
There was no little deer, and no tracks in the snow
He sat there and wondered, just what he had seen
Musta punched himself in the head, and went into a dream

It started making sense, when he took a pause
It just couldn't be, because he is Santa Claus
So he went into the house, just as sneaky as an elf
And grabbed from the tree, what he'd bought for himself

This new set of wrenches, would come in real handy
The fact that they ratchet, is even more dandy
He started to think, and in his inside voice
He said next year maybe Santa, will bring me hoist!!

Here's one for my brothers in the oilpatch. I wrote this in '89 sitting on a rig on Christmas eve, as many of us have done.

The Night Before Christmas
At the rig!

Twas the night before Christmas
And all over the lease
Not a roughneck was moving
They were all sitting at ease

The shacks were all clean
The kelly was high
The digger sat back
And let out a sigh

When all of a sudden
We heard a loud blast
Our volume was up
We were taking on gas

We took quite a kick
Almost out of control
But the driller was quick
To shut in the hole

We opened the choke
To circ the degasser
But despite all our efforts
It kept coming faster

The chokes were both washed
Casing pressure was tops
We had no other choice
But to blow the **** off

Then someone saw
Something at the flare pit
The roughneck yelled "run"
When he saw it was St. Nick

The mud hit the pit
Just missing Santa's ***
We heard him say as he flew away
"Thanks for the gas"

Merry Christmas To You All