Rebuilding a Carr
I'm pulling for you Robert. Every person that leaves this world due to drepression leaves behind countless numbers of grieving loved ones. Embrace your family and friends
Thanks, Pete.
I gotta tell ya, it's not just the depression that I fear. It's the anger.
I've had "normal" bouts of depression most of my life in three stages: depression, anger, determination.
I'd feel down over something, then it would anger me, then I would be determined to get whatever needed to be done, done.
Recently, it just stops with anger. And I want the world to burn.
That's what scares me.
I'm ashamed to say I've grabbed Karli by the throat twice, both during fights, both of us got physical.
The first I grabbed her by the throat and put her through the bedroom door.
The second she was pregnant with Nick.
That's when I realized that I needed to be hospitalized. When the cops came I had one drive me to the local psyche ward. I spent a week there.
Tells you the strength and love Karli has: she came to visit every visiting hour, even moving in with her mom for that week to be closer.
The anger I have for myself turns outward and I last out at those around me.
Thankfully, I can say, that the boys have never been a target.
But it scares the hell out of me.
Anger is the check engine light. When the check engine light comes on, you know there's an issue. You scan it through and diagnose the issue. But the light itself isn't the problem.
So, in a lot of soul searching and self exploration, what's the issue? I haven't found out. Yet. The problem is there, and through a lot of prayer and consideration, I
will find it.
I think I see the roots of it and will explore that more with the therapist as we have a chance to talk.