Rebuilding a Carr
It seems you have the total awareness to understand who and what you are...and understand the challenges you face.
I have no doubt you will build on that knowledge and successes you are having and continue to make every day better.
Glad to see the avitar change!
:thumbsup:
That is definitely the case.
I like waking up in a good mood and carrying that through the day.
I like when the paranoia and suspicion don't control my sleep.
While Karli and I were split this last time she confessed to me some things that I long suspected and it ate me up.
I'm not a believer in Karma by any stretch of the imagination, but it had come around and bit me in the *** bug time.
But, from previous experience, I understand why. I got it. It makes it easier to move on.
And I also see it as motivation, somewhat.
I can't live like I have been living. Something was missing from me and therefore our marriage that has to be improved.
Some of you may get this, some of you not.
My life is a very complicated story. I challenge anyone here to say that they haven't had a complicated life in one form or the other. I know of more than one who has shared his or her story with me about their own lives and I appreciate that those folks have opened up to me about it.
Call it a return to a normal for me. I was the person people confided in, came to to rant, came to to look and see if I had anything to offer to help.
Then I stopped giving a ****. I had no time for anyone. And stay the hell out of my marriage.
I love Karli more than anyone I've ever loved. Yet, my piss poor decision making fed by my jealousy if everyone and everything, my idea that she should be mine and mine alone pushed her away.
As .38 Special said: "Hold on loosely, but don't let go."
My wife has a big heart. She wants to help anyone she can help. Instead of nurturing and supporting her and feeding that, I've treated her like property, just as I had been previously.
I was making decisions that damaged myself and in doing so, I damaged her.
Don't get me wrong. I still believe myself to be a good judge of character. I can spot a user a mile away. But instead of allowing her to see it herself I tried to block her from it.
I have to be able to allow her to find out these things on her own and when to cut them loose.
But I was a **** husband. Again. My sins were new ones. But still mistakes nonetheless.
And I'm tired of living like that.
Yes, today is starting off a good day. Yesterday was a good day. Any issues of the day, Karli and I were able to talk through instead of yelling about. Just a few short months ago, instead of looking to understand each other, the defensive walls would have went up and we'd try to override each other's opinions with our own.
That is no way to live a marriage.
So, yeah, one day at a time. Building on the day before.