Apparently I suck at drag racing...

Running the factory type clutch... you will slip and eat that clutch in a hurry. Call Ram and get the right set up. A stick and slicks and a 8 1/4 rear means a broken axle and a trip to the wall. If you have to do it, then launch at idle and get yourself a set of adjustable Ranchos. Call Calvert for the right ones. Use the largest and fattest street tires tire you can fit. A hooking slick is most unforgiving to all your weakest links.