Pay Pal
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I never ship anything until I receive payment.
I never accept or use "friends and family" unless they really are friends or family.
I never refund until I receive the parts back at buyers shipping expense (and inspect them for damage not present before the sale), and I clearly state that in the listing, in bold print.
I have been known to give a partial refund, but those are extremely rare and and clearly documented via ebay correspondence.
I always insure the object via USPS (or whoever), and provide tracking.
It is the recipient's responsibility to deal with USPS for damage in shipping.
I also usually transfer the payment out of paypal immediately after receipt.
Paypal can refund a buyer from your paypal balance but not from your bank account.
I want to be in a position to agree with the refund before any money moves.