Nervous...scared...anxious...

I live on the eastern side of Washington, about and hour west of Spokane. I was seeing one pain clinic...and well...they had very little interest in a long term fix, more just throwing darts (epidurals/RFA/Si joint injections) at me. Last MRI results..my anti-surgery doc told me it was time to go see a surgeon. First one I saw told me that Medicare Protocol was I had PT prior to them doing anything....considering that this injury is older then the doc was I simply refused. Docs office caved in and said they would schedule me surgery. Given that my pain spreads from just above my butt crack, across my entire butt and down both my legs, biased more to the left I asked them don't they think trying to figure out where the pain is actually originating from may be a good idea? Oddly enough never heard back from them. My doc sent me out to see another surgeon, this guy is pretty highly regarded. Seen his PA, she did a complete exam and said that the pain in my ***,, literally, was all coming form a particular muscle that spans our entire pelvic region. She had me go out for some CT guided epidurals. First was L4&5 second was L5-S1. Was 100% pain free. I slipped off of a curb one day, normally this would have dropped me to my knees and bought out some interesting vocabulary. Instead, I just walked away. Explained all this to the PA, she said it was time for me to see the cutter. He took one look at my MRI and said that IF he were to cut on me I would end of on the wrong side of the statistics, the failed side. He said that surgery was not an option. They sent me to see another pain clinic. Pretty sure they are the only ones that do the Vertiflex (back jacks), spinal cord stimulators and pain pumps.
Spoke with my rheumatologist about all of this, Dale is one of those docs that just tells you the truth. He told me that the clinic I am seeing is the one they send all of their various arthritis patients to when they need pain management.
Pain clinic has a plan. They are not real big fans of long term oral pain med usage, largely because of the very problems I am having. I feel emotionless. Have close to 0 interest in doing much of anything. Anyways, the plan is to get the stimulator put in. Then my primary care doc, the one who is prescribing the Dopioids, is going to work with me in getting me off of the meds. If I do have any pain after I get off the oral meds I am just going to have to suck it up as I want to have a pain pump put in. Dosage will be micro-grams, not milligrams. And the meds will not be effecting the pain receptors in my brain, they will be effecting those where the pain is originating from. Or at least that is the plan. I am hoping for the best...I don't know how much longer I can tolerate being on oral drugs, they are doing a number on me mentally....
Apologies for rambling. My pain is creeping back in rather quickly...and...well....life is really starting to suck again. With the pain returning I am back to sleeping no more than 90 minutes at a time. Not getting enough sleep just makes me hurt even worse.
Putting the cart in front of the horse here a bit. I will be buying one of those FitBit watches. Soon as the stimulator is put ion I am going to start walking again. Plan is to increase my distance slightly every day. I need to make some lifestyle changes. Get back to doing what ever I can in regards to exercising. Clean up the way I eat. Being 80 pounds over weight is not helping me in anyways.
Ernestina is on me to "get up off my ***" lol. She fell a while back and dislocated her elbow. Doc & therapist are less than pleased with where she is in the recovery process. She is having an MRI done with contrast of her elbow today...
I do appreciate your comments...and anyone who has us in their prayers...
Hope all of you have a great day...