You guys are gonna think I'm an idiot, but hopefully by me documenting all of this, someone can learn from my mistakes and I'll save some heartache.
I pulled the pistons and turned the crank after each one to feel the resistance. I started with #1 and 2 cylinders, and I think immediately found the problem. The bottom oil ring on each was bent. I must not have had the ring compressor around ALL of the rings, and upon tapping them in, bent the oil ring and smashed it between the piston and cylinder wall. Looking back, on subsequent pistons, I remember the piston sliding out of the ring compressor just a hair, exposing the bottom oil ring. This must have happened on pistons 1 and 2, I just didn't catch it. After removing pistons 1 and 2, the crank was turning better. Luckily the cylinder walls weren't damaged.
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Second problem I found was a couple of the caps were reversed. When I disassembled the engine, I marked each cap/rod with a paint pen. Now either I mixed up a couple in the process, or they were like that in the engine. Either way, shame on me for not catching it when I installed the bearings. Here you can see only one of the tangs when both should line up, the the edges are offset.
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Now that I'm starting over, I'll clean everything up again and get the plastic gauge out. This time, I'll go slower and drink less beer....
