Bullheaded wife/Covid

The part I don't get is the N95 mask protects the caregiver from getting a virus and is 95% effective. Why can't it protect a regular Joe? If it is fitted properly and you don't futz with it once it's on. It seems the mask is discouraged because there is a shortage.

The mask isn't to prevent contracting illness, it's to stop it being spread from the wearer's face.
Most people have it backwards.
The wearer isn't going to be any less exposed if they're wearing a mask, the droplets get stuck in the mask but the when you inhale that viral material will pass through at some point and you're still going to be exposed. But if you're sick and wearing a mask, the amount of material you eject into the air around you will be reduced which is good for those around the stick person.

Caregivers are exposed to more illness. They're more likely to be contagious and not know it (early in the disease progression, asymptomatic, etc). They need to wear masks to ensure that the people they work on (many of who will be weaker/older) don't catch it from the caregiver.