Opioids...

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inkjunkie

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Been on them for over a decade because of my back. Had a Spinal Cord Stimulator implanted in February. Didn't do much for my back but completely eliminated all of my sciatic pain. Had a Vertiflex put in the beginning of November. Pain level dropped substantially. Decided it was time to try and get off the Opiods.
Was taking 80mg a day. Been 2 weeks or so. Down to 45mg a day....and seriously struggling. Go from feeling like I'm on fire to feeling like I'm in a freezer. Dizzy/light headed. Nausea. Yesterday I hurt. Wasn't just my back....head to toe.
Had some errands to run. Thought I missed the turn I needed to make so I turned around...drove a minute or two before I realized I hadn't even made it to the turn...I was 4 miles away from it.
Really beginning to wonder if I can do this...
 
Very tough habit to kick.

My father was taking morphine for his back for over 10 years and just recently weened himself completely off. He went through hot and cold flashes and often had pain throughout his body due to withdraws.

When I was younger he never really drank, smoked or took any drugs and was a great role model. It was difficult to watch the addiction unfold and see his personality change. I’m glad he has kicked it and is getting back to normal.

It is a tough process to go through but completely worth it, you got this!
 
Been on them for over a decade because of my back. Had a Spinal Cord Stimulator implanted in February. Didn't do much for my back but completely eliminated all of my sciatic pain. Had a Vertiflex put in the beginning of November. Pain level dropped substantially. Decided it was time to try and get off the Opiods.
Was taking 80mg a day. Been 2 weeks or so. Down to 45mg a day....and seriously struggling. Go from feeling like I'm on fire to feeling like I'm in a freezer. Dizzy/light headed. Nausea. Yesterday I hurt. Wasn't just my back....head to toe.
Had some errands to run. Thought I missed the turn I needed to make so I turned around...drove a minute or two before I realized I hadn't even made it to the turn...I was 4 miles away from it.
Really beginning to wonder if I can do this...
Never been through what you are trying to do, but my recommendation would be to get professional assistance. There are folks that are experts in helping to resolve dependencies. If I knew what to say to help you, I would, but I don’t know. So my advice is, find the expert. And that may not be one person, it may be a support group. You are going in the right direction, no need to go it alone.
 
You absolutely can. I used to work with a guy who was on them for pain after botched surgeries. He'd get really depressed and mean, but finally, his prescription ran out and he couldn't get it taken care of for several weeks. Took it as message/sign/whatever from God and just let his body detox. Said it hurt like hell and sucked like nothing before or after but he's off and done. As far as I know, he hasn't been back on them since. That was a couple of years ago. He's a different person than he was when i met him. Better, more in control, happy.

Stay the course. Simply asking here, shows you want to kick it.
 
Oh, and the worst thing about them that he described to me was how awful they made him feel when he was on them. It was worse than the pain he was taking them for....
 
My wife was on them for two decades. She gradually weened off them with medical marijuana. Now it is just the pot. Seems to work for her. Pretty much the same as you stimulator etc. Hard to do for sure but you can do it.
 
You can do it, your life will be better without them. It’ll take time but once you make it over the hump your home free. My city I grew up in is ****** central it’s disturbing. Most of them say they got started on OxyContin.
 
I got off of the loritab but my mere 30mg per day doesn't compare. Some say marijuana helps. Some say kratom helps. I may try the kratom in a tea form when I need to put down the liquor.
I am currently approved for one of those spinal stimulator implants. I'm seeing another neurosurgeon tomorrow for a second opinion before I go along with the implant. Just seems to me that if surgery fixed my lower back before and I didn't have a recurrence for more than 20 years, it should work for me again. That same surgeon forwarded me to the stimulator implant rather than cut me again. Honestly... looking at that model of wires threaded up through the spine frightened me. It reminded me of sci-fi like Star Trek. Plus they couldn't guarantee total relief. Previous surgery was total relief for a long time. Anyway... Good luck with everything.
 
Been on them for over a decade because of my back. Had a Spinal Cord Stimulator implanted in February. Didn't do much for my back but completely eliminated all of my sciatic pain. Had a Vertiflex put in the beginning of November. Pain level dropped substantially. Decided it was time to try and get off the Opiods.
Was taking 80mg a day. Been 2 weeks or so. Down to 45mg a day....and seriously struggling. Go from feeling like I'm on fire to feeling like I'm in a freezer. Dizzy/light headed. Nausea. Yesterday I hurt. Wasn't just my back....head to toe.
Had some errands to run. Thought I missed the turn I needed to make so I turned around...drove a minute or two before I realized I hadn't even made it to the turn...I was 4 miles away from it.
Really beginning to wonder if I can do this...
You can do it. Yes it's a hard habit to kick. I wish you the best.
 
Been on them for over a decade because of my back. Had a Spinal Cord Stimulator implanted in February. Didn't do much for my back but completely eliminated all of my sciatic pain. Had a Vertiflex put in the beginning of November. Pain level dropped substantially. Decided it was time to try and get off the Opiods.
Was taking 80mg a day. Been 2 weeks or so. Down to 45mg a day....and seriously struggling. Go from feeling like I'm on fire to feeling like I'm in a freezer. Dizzy/light headed. Nausea. Yesterday I hurt. Wasn't just my back....head to toe.
Had some errands to run. Thought I missed the turn I needed to make so I turned around...drove a minute or two before I realized I hadn't even made it to the turn...I was 4 miles away from it.
Really beginning to wonder if I can do this...
The trick is to slow down. Don't try and quit soo fast. Cut back very, very slowly. You said "Was taking 80mg a day. Been 2 weeks or so. Down to 45mg a day". That's cutting back pretty fast!! There's no rush as long as you feel OK. If you cut back by 5mg every 3 or 4 weeks you'll still get to zero eventually and you won't get as many side effects. What's the hurry??? Give your body time to adjust. I tried to get off some meds too fast and I crashed because I was in a hurry........I learned the hard way that there's no rush as long as you get to you're goal!!:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

FYI - You should change your FABO name you just "Junkie"....at least temporarily!!!!:poke::poke::poke::BangHead::BangHead: GOOD LUCK!!
 
Most everyone here that says do it has never done it.

If you are able, halifaxhops gave you the best advice. That would be my choice if I had that option, and I may say F it one of these days and just do it.

No way in hell would I even attempt to do what you are doing. You have real, long term, chronic pain. You’re not some junkie trying to get the monkey off your back.
 
I have heard good things about the Kratom, Some folks swear by it.


LOL...I use it but damn...I put it in my hot chocolate and it makes it taste like I’m drinking hay. It does work pretty good. I use it in an emergency when things get sideways.
 
Been on them for over a decade because of my back. Had a Spinal Cord Stimulator implanted in February. Didn't do much for my back but completely eliminated all of my sciatic pain. Had a Vertiflex put in the beginning of November. Pain level dropped substantially. Decided it was time to try and get off the Opiods.
Was taking 80mg a day. Been 2 weeks or so. Down to 45mg a day....and seriously struggling. Go from feeling like I'm on fire to feeling like I'm in a freezer. Dizzy/light headed. Nausea. Yesterday I hurt. Wasn't just my back....head to toe.
Had some errands to run. Thought I missed the turn I needed to make so I turned around...drove a minute or two before I realized I hadn't even made it to the turn...I was 4 miles away from it.
Really beginning to wonder if I can do this...
does not say somewhere on the bottle that you're not supposed to drive while taking the stuff?..
I can't think of a drug that you take less and less of and are going to feel better and better.. especially an opiate based drug.it's unlikely that you'll ever get off of it if they don't stop prescribing it to you...
 
You are doing the right thing. I have seen that stuff take down people very close to me from all walks of life. One discovery that was shared with me by a co-workers aging wife was taking CBD derived from hemp. In her case the unrefined CBD did not work and she required a water soluble CBD for pain relief. That was interesting coming from someone that was using a singular entity to treat pain. Anyway that might be an avenue for you to work through this. I have sat with a junkie while he slowly passed away in hospice and his regret was tremendous. My Dad was my best buddy and he got swept away by that crap. Still brings a tear to my eye.
 
Inkjunkie what you are going through, I wouldn't wish on my own worst enemy. Opioids are so hard to get off of its not even funny. Many people don't and many die. This is serious stuff. Someone very close to me who had a autoimmune disease died from them..

All I can suggest is DO NOT be in a rush to go cold turkey. You simply can't. You will end up in a cycle of going cold turkey and getting back on them once your body forces you to take them. Your body simply won't allow it. A slow gradual weaning that will take months to see progress is what it will be. I don't mean to be a downer but I witnessed how hard it is first hand.

You need to ask friends, family, co-workers to help you and support you, to check up on you and to motivate you. Don't be closed off to alternative forms of pain management. I would try everything available to you that isn't going to have a detrimental effect on your health. I am pulling for you.
 
@inkjunkie We’re all pulling for you! All I ever quit was smoking and that was hard as hell to do. I helped my father wean off of unneeded psych meds. It took the help of a good doctor. We drove him to see a lot of doctors before we found one who said she could help and she did a wonderful job. My dad lived another 10 years afterward, in a somewhat happy life. Plus prayer helped him a lot too throughout his life.

Know that we’re praying for you!
 
My experience and mine only. I was on oxycodone for ten years but after time I would run out 1 or 2 days before I could get a refill ( the won't fill even 1 day before 30 days) last time I was completely out 5 days before refill time. Cold turkey withdrawal begins within 8 hours of not having it. One or two days were doable but brutal, but I knew soon I would have more. Last time on the 3rd day without I was one sick puppy but by 5 days I felt a little better. I figured if I could do five days I might just make it. I've been clean almost 4 years now but not sure I would recommend doing it like I did. I think medical advise might be advisable. Good luck Ink...I've been there.
 
I quit quitting. Really bothers me to say that. But a lot went into my decision. Not sure how much of what I have taken out is going to end up back in.
I have realized that I have thrown to many things at myself at once. Started physical therapy. For the first time in my life I WANT to go. My therapist is convinced that I have the absolute tightest hamstrings he has ever seen. Has me stretching them, all three directions, on my back using a strap. This is embarrassing to say but even these simple stretches make my hips and back hurt...a lot. Or so I think, the pain may very well be from the Oxy reduction. Which is one of the many reasons I have decided to hold off on getting off this crap. Before I start wandering I would like to thank all that left a comment here.
One of the reasons I have decided to get back on them is I see my Pain doc in about 6 weeks for a follow up on the Vertiflex. With how bad I hurt it is going to be impossible for me to give him an honest assessment of how much the Vertiflex has helped. Prior to me getting off of the meds I walked about 2 miles thru several parking lots. Now....well...the garage, which is about 80' is about as far as I can make it. But...there is another "thing" involved here.
My therapist noticed that I have a short leg. He actually noticed this when I saw him in 2018 but the pain clinic I was seeing at the time dismissed it as causing any issues. I had a lift put in a pair of hiking boots but never really gave it a chance to see if it helped.
Well...I now have 3 pairs of hiking boots, a pair of Redwings and a pair of, as my loving wife calls them, "Jesus sandals....aka Birkenstocks. I have never realized how big 5/8 of an inch actually is....
20201224_094241.jpg

Anyway...I am thinking that I have had this short leg my whole 54 years. It is going to take more then a day or two to get used to walking with level hips for it not to cause me to hurt from it being something "different" for my back.
So....and this pains me very much to say....I quit. I have thrown to many things at myself at once to know what is what. I can handle the nausea. I can handle the sleep issues...I am having some very vivid dreams....of all the people I have done harm to over the years. Sadly many of these folks have passed on...so "making amends" to them simply is not possible. Am talking to a shrink, actually 2, about this. I can handle the broken internal t-stat....I go from being chilled to the bone to seating like I ate a Carolina Reaper pepper at least 6-7 time an hour. What I can't handle is the incredible amount of pain I am in. And not being able to tell what the cause is. Is it something new going on in my back? Is it from having level hips for the first time in 54 years? Is it the fact that I actually still physically NEED the Oxy? Or is it just simply the pain of withdrawal?
Then there is, and this may sound a bit childish....but for the first time since being forced into disability because of my often severe mental health bs I feel like I have a purpose. Again....this may sound very insignificant to some but my web site has replaced the media link on the Spokane County Raceway web site. I have been thanked by several dozen people for my work at the track. I got a phone call today, which I did not answer because I was outside trying to get our dinner started, from the Craig, the promoter at SCR. He left me a message, wishing me and the Boss a Merry Christmas....and told me he wants to talk with me about me being added as an Administrator to the tracks web site. I know for most this will seem so insignificant it is not worth even talking about but to me it is. And knowing that my services are being counted on....well...it means a lot to me. And given my present state....well.....I would not be able to even make a half hour trackside with my camera gear.
So the plan is to ad 5mg back into my medication box every few days until I am back up to 60mg, which is pretty much what I have been living on. Some days I was taking 80, but ever since having the Vertiflex put in I have been on 60mg. If this stops all the hallucinations...and the not knowing where I am....few days ago I had to go town. We recycle...but we have to take it to a place in town. First stop for the day was the recycling center. I was driving down Highway 2, west of the recycling center and sore that I had already traveled east of it. I pulled over, got out of my truck and was looking around trying to figure out where I was. I was so sure I had passed the turn...which would have put me on the divided part of Highway 2 (I was on the section that is not) that I turned around and headed west. I drove about 3 miles before I realized I was now heading the wrong direction then I am going to stay on that dose until I go see the pain doc in February as I really do need to be able to give him an honest assessment of how I am feeling. Once I see him I will then pull 1 5mg pill out a month.
I am going to talk with both my shrinks...and all my docs about finding a support group of sorts. I am convinced that this problem is far more then I can deal with on my own.
So...for now...I am going to pull the plug on getting off the Oxy. I so desperately want to be free of them but, at least for now, that is not going to happen. I realized that my end goal....getting off of the oral meds, no matter what I had to endure....so that I could have a pain pump put in (if necessary)....well..I realized that I had developed tunnel vision of sorts...
I quit...it is very painful for me to say this. I have spent a while in tears today. If my Dad were still alive he would be very disappointed with me. He did not raise me to be a quitter. Which is really making this decision very hard for me to accept....
Apologies for rambling...
 
I quit quitting. Really bothers me to say that. But a lot went into my decision. Not sure how much of what I have taken out is going to end up back in.
I have realized that I have thrown to many things at myself at once. Started physical therapy. For the first time in my life I WANT to go. My therapist is convinced that I have the absolute tightest hamstrings he has ever seen. Has me stretching them, all three directions, on my back using a strap. This is embarrassing to say but even these simple stretches make my hips and back hurt...a lot. Or so I think, the pain may very well be from the Oxy reduction. Which is one of the many reasons I have decided to hold off on getting off this crap. Before I start wandering I would like to thank all that left a comment here.
One of the reasons I have decided to get back on them is I see my Pain doc in about 6 weeks for a follow up on the Vertiflex. With how bad I hurt it is going to be impossible for me to give him an honest assessment of how much the Vertiflex has helped. Prior to me getting off of the meds I walked about 2 miles thru several parking lots. Now....well...the garage, which is about 80' is about as far as I can make it. But...there is another "thing" involved here.
My therapist noticed that I have a short leg. He actually noticed this when I saw him in 2018 but the pain clinic I was seeing at the time dismissed it as causing any issues. I had a lift put in a pair of hiking boots but never really gave it a chance to see if it helped.
Well...I now have 3 pairs of hiking boots, a pair of Redwings and a pair of, as my loving wife calls them, "Jesus sandals....aka Birkenstocks. I have never realized how big 5/8 of an inch actually is....
View attachment 1715657316
Anyway...I am thinking that I have had this short leg my whole 54 years. It is going to take more then a day or two to get used to walking with level hips for it not to cause me to hurt from it being something "different" for my back.
So....and this pains me very much to say....I quit. I have thrown to many things at myself at once to know what is what. I can handle the nausea. I can handle the sleep issues...I am having some very vivid dreams....of all the people I have done harm to over the years. Sadly many of these folks have passed on...so "making amends" to them simply is not possible. Am talking to a shrink, actually 2, about this. I can handle the broken internal t-stat....I go from being chilled to the bone to seating like I ate a Carolina Reaper pepper at least 6-7 time an hour. What I can't handle is the incredible amount of pain I am in. And not being able to tell what the cause is. Is it something new going on in my back? Is it from having level hips for the first time in 54 years? Is it the fact that I actually still physically NEED the Oxy? Or is it just simply the pain of withdrawal?
Then there is, and this may sound a bit childish....but for the first time since being forced into disability because of my often severe mental health bs I feel like I have a purpose. Again....this may sound very insignificant to some but my web site has replaced the media link on the Spokane County Raceway web site. I have been thanked by several dozen people for my work at the track. I got a phone call today, which I did not answer because I was outside trying to get our dinner started, from the Craig, the promoter at SCR. He left me a message, wishing me and the Boss a Merry Christmas....and told me he wants to talk with me about me being added as an Administrator to the tracks web site. I know for most this will seem so insignificant it is not worth even talking about but to me it is. And knowing that my services are being counted on....well...it means a lot to me. And given my present state....well.....I would not be able to even make a half hour trackside with my camera gear.
So the plan is to ad 5mg back into my medication box every few days until I am back up to 60mg, which is pretty much what I have been living on. Some days I was taking 80, but ever since having the Vertiflex put in I have been on 60mg. If this stops all the hallucinations...and the not knowing where I am....few days ago I had to go town. We recycle...but we have to take it to a place in town. First stop for the day was the recycling center. I was driving down Highway 2, west of the recycling center and sore that I had already traveled east of it. I pulled over, got out of my truck and was looking around trying to figure out where I was. I was so sure I had passed the turn...which would have put me on the divided part of Highway 2 (I was on the section that is not) that I turned around and headed west. I drove about 3 miles before I realized I was now heading the wrong direction then I am going to stay on that dose until I go see the pain doc in February as I really do need to be able to give him an honest assessment of how I am feeling. Once I see him I will then pull 1 5mg pill out a month.
I am going to talk with both my shrinks...and all my docs about finding a support group of sorts. I am convinced that this problem is far more then I can deal with on my own.
So...for now...I am going to pull the plug on getting off the Oxy. I so desperately want to be free of them but, at least for now, that is not going to happen. I realized that my end goal....getting off of the oral meds, no matter what I had to endure....so that I could have a pain pump put in (if necessary)....well..I realized that I had developed tunnel vision of sorts...
I quit...it is very painful for me to say this. I have spent a while in tears today. If my Dad were still alive he would be very disappointed with me. He did not raise me to be a quitter. Which is really making this decision very hard for me to accept....
Apologies for rambling...

You simply said what you needed to say, no apology needed. Many of us have been in your shoes, I've had the hallucinations and struggled to get off of meds that I hated. It took some time but I did it. Just don't get in rush, I did and I crashed. So take your time when you decide to cut back. As long as you have the goal of completely getting off of the pain pills you'll get there. I only say that because I know you want to get off of them, that's a very important component. Don't worry about how long it takes worry about getting to the goal!!!
 
I quit quitting. Really bothers me to say that. But a lot went into my decision. Not sure how much of what I have taken out is going to end up back in.
I have realized that I have thrown to many things at myself at once. Started physical therapy. For the first time in my life I WANT to go. My therapist is convinced that I have the absolute tightest hamstrings he has ever seen. Has me stretching them, all three directions, on my back using a strap. This is embarrassing to say but even these simple stretches make my hips and back hurt...a lot. Or so I think, the pain may very well be from the Oxy reduction. Which is one of the many reasons I have decided to hold off on getting off this crap. Before I start wandering I would like to thank all that left a comment here.
One of the reasons I have decided to get back on them is I see my Pain doc in about 6 weeks for a follow up on the Vertiflex. With how bad I hurt it is going to be impossible for me to give him an honest assessment of how much the Vertiflex has helped. Prior to me getting off of the meds I walked about 2 miles thru several parking lots. Now....well...the garage, which is about 80' is about as far as I can make it. But...there is another "thing" involved here.
My therapist noticed that I have a short leg. He actually noticed this when I saw him in 2018 but the pain clinic I was seeing at the time dismissed it as causing any issues. I had a lift put in a pair of hiking boots but never really gave it a chance to see if it helped.
Well...I now have 3 pairs of hiking boots, a pair of Redwings and a pair of, as my loving wife calls them, "Jesus sandals....aka Birkenstocks. I have never realized how big 5/8 of an inch actually is....
View attachment 1715657316
Anyway...I am thinking that I have had this short leg my whole 54 years. It is going to take more then a day or two to get used to walking with level hips for it not to cause me to hurt from it being something "different" for my back.
So....and this pains me very much to say....I quit. I have thrown to many things at myself at once to know what is what. I can handle the nausea. I can handle the sleep issues...I am having some very vivid dreams....of all the people I have done harm to over the years. Sadly many of these folks have passed on...so "making amends" to them simply is not possible. Am talking to a shrink, actually 2, about this. I can handle the broken internal t-stat....I go from being chilled to the bone to seating like I ate a Carolina Reaper pepper at least 6-7 time an hour. What I can't handle is the incredible amount of pain I am in. And not being able to tell what the cause is. Is it something new going on in my back? Is it from having level hips for the first time in 54 years? Is it the fact that I actually still physically NEED the Oxy? Or is it just simply the pain of withdrawal?
Then there is, and this may sound a bit childish....but for the first time since being forced into disability because of my often severe mental health bs I feel like I have a purpose. Again....this may sound very insignificant to some but my web site has replaced the media link on the Spokane County Raceway web site. I have been thanked by several dozen people for my work at the track. I got a phone call today, which I did not answer because I was outside trying to get our dinner started, from the Craig, the promoter at SCR. He left me a message, wishing me and the Boss a Merry Christmas....and told me he wants to talk with me about me being added as an Administrator to the tracks web site. I know for most this will seem so insignificant it is not worth even talking about but to me it is. And knowing that my services are being counted on....well...it means a lot to me. And given my present state....well.....I would not be able to even make a half hour trackside with my camera gear.
So the plan is to ad 5mg back into my medication box every few days until I am back up to 60mg, which is pretty much what I have been living on. Some days I was taking 80, but ever since having the Vertiflex put in I have been on 60mg. If this stops all the hallucinations...and the not knowing where I am....few days ago I had to go town. We recycle...but we have to take it to a place in town. First stop for the day was the recycling center. I was driving down Highway 2, west of the recycling center and sore that I had already traveled east of it. I pulled over, got out of my truck and was looking around trying to figure out where I was. I was so sure I had passed the turn...which would have put me on the divided part of Highway 2 (I was on the section that is not) that I turned around and headed west. I drove about 3 miles before I realized I was now heading the wrong direction then I am going to stay on that dose until I go see the pain doc in February as I really do need to be able to give him an honest assessment of how I am feeling. Once I see him I will then pull 1 5mg pill out a month.
I am going to talk with both my shrinks...and all my docs about finding a support group of sorts. I am convinced that this problem is far more then I can deal with on my own.
So...for now...I am going to pull the plug on getting off the Oxy. I so desperately want to be free of them but, at least for now, that is not going to happen. I realized that my end goal....getting off of the oral meds, no matter what I had to endure....so that I could have a pain pump put in (if necessary)....well..I realized that I had developed tunnel vision of sorts...
I quit...it is very painful for me to say this. I have spent a while in tears today. If my Dad were still alive he would be very disappointed with me. He did not raise me to be a quitter. Which is really making this decision very hard for me to accept....
Apologies for rambling...


This whole guilt trip of opioid use had GOT to stop (another talking about you IJ...I’m talking about the mass guilt applied almost every day about opioid use for chronic pain) because it is a form of abuse to those who live with chronic pain. If you have chronic pain (and you do) there may be no other alternative.

I think you are doing what is right for YOU. And what you and your doctor decide for pain treatment is exactly that. Making criminals of people with chronic pain who use opioids because that is the best and because other people abuse them would preclude anyone getting alcohol for anything. It is abused like no other, and yet using and abusing it doesn’t have the stigma of opioid pain control.

I can say I’ve been on about the same level of pain control medication since 2011. I have never asked for more, used more than I have been prescribed, nor have I asked for an increase in the amount.

If anyone can say those things, it’s not abuse or even over use. That IS a pain control.

I feel for you. You are caught between and rock and a hard place. I say do what allows you the best quality of life and whatever that is, it is.

Pain sucks, is debilitating both physically and mentally and chronic pain is a daily, even hourly grind.

Take care of yourself.
 
Hey Doug, you'll get through this.
As YR said in post #22, you need to do what's right for you.
Forget the guilt and shame that the general public applies to people on pain management medications (who don't know what you are really going through).
I have chronic pain as well but I am not on opioids to manage it because it's not severe enough.
Anti Inflammatories are working for me.
I too have one leg shorter than the other as well as an asymmetrical pelvis which leaves one side shorter than the other by about 1 inch.
From advice that my doctor and physiotherapist have given me, it's too late at my age (58) to try to compensate for it as my body has gotten used to the birth defect, and trying to change things now would only be detrimental.

You are a brave man to post about this dilemma in your life, and I for one am glad you did, because we can all learn from you and the other posters that wish to discuss this topic further.

Chin up my friend, better days are ahead..........
 
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