At an emotional crossroad

Sorry about your Dad. Similar situation for me. My stepdad was a hardass full bull Air Force Col., who told me “children should be seen not heard.”
Not once did he give me positive reinforcement, complement me, and always found something wrong , no t to mention he molested me and my brothers. He was a real SOB. He didn’t even say he was proud of me when I got commissioned as LT and was a Medevac pilot.
He got blood cancer knew he was terminal and did a 180. We actually had a real relationship for months. I cherish that time even though it was short and feel that you should concentrate on anything positive about about your dad.
JUst my two cents.