What is going on with these rod bearings?

LOL. They'll freeze and pit right to the cylinder walls if they sit up too long. Those are the ones you can never get to stop smoking, because they are stuck, but not stuck enough the starter won't turn them and when they do turn them they tear the coating right off that top ring. Over and done. You gotta drive um.
Am I starting to get Paranoid about Piston Slap noise, cause my car sat for years, after the ex wrecked it?