Funny visits to the Doctors

I'm sure I am not the only person with a funny story since I have several.
Here is my Favorite. True story

I had my usual court ordered visit to my neurologist. Bad head injury and was determined not responsible for my actions.
So while sitting in the waiting room was an elderly fellow who appeared about 40 years my senior.
We struck up a conversation, and when it was his turn, the doc had to get between us, since we were so deep in conversation we didn't realize he was standing waiting.
When he came out he put his hand on my shoulder and said your a good man we will talk again.

So I go in with the doc and sit down. He asks me the standard basic questions. Then said so you two had a good conversation ? I agreed. he asked Do you know who he is . I told him nope.
Well do you know his son? he walks around Philadelphia City hall with a cross
I kind of chuckled and said the guy dressed as Jesus?
That's him, that's his son.
I sat back in the chair and said to the Doc , I feel honored and impressed. He asked how's that.
So I told him I'm honored to still be walking the earth and had a chance to speak directly with God the Father.
Doc and impressed how.
I said with you, in that I have the same doctor treating me to keep me on track as God.
He stood up behind his desk and said get the he'll out. There's nothing wrong with you.
Laughing the whole time.

.

A few years ago, I had a doc who was an older Jewish man from the east coast. He never minced words and always spoke his mind as raw as it could be. I loved him. He also must have been hard of hearing, because he ALWAYS YELLED WHEN HE SPOKE TO YOU. Everyone in the exam rooms (and sometimes the waiting room) could hear everything he said to his patients. It was quite humorous.

Well, I go in one day for a check up. Previously, I had been "experimenting" with the little blue pill with my girlfriend, because it's fun! I'm waiting in the exam room for my turn, and as usual, I can hear him finishing up with the patient before me. He comes into my room, we exchange pleasantries.

"Good morning, Doc."
"GOOD MORNING, MIKE."
"How's the golf game?"
"IT'S GREAT. ARE YOU STILL HAVING TROUBLE WITH YOUR ERECTIONS??!!!"

With moving 3 years ago, i picked a new doc closer to home. So I did my homework and she is highly regarded in the area. She even interned under my previous doc. At my last yearly with her, she tells me that I am Caucasian with freckles and in the next few years I should maybe see a dermatologist to watch for skin cancers. I could not keep the chuckle to my self and responded that I've been a Caucasian with freckles my whole life, thanks for noticing. She looked at me like I was a total dork, then we both laughed. (It was much funnier in person, than in type)

Last time I was at the doc and they ALWAYS give you the annoying clipboard with 5 questionares to fill out, I forget how it's worded, they want to know about "sexual dysfunction." I mentioned this to the guy next to me and said, at my age, (73) I'm never sure just how to answer that!!

Where i live, we have to take writen mental and physical test every two years to renew our drivers licence if you are over a certain age. One of the questions on the writen test was to copy and draw two pentagrams side by side. I pointed to the pentastar pin on my jacket and said to her "like this? i draw these every day".

When I was a kid I told my pediatrician that he looked just like George Castanza. Looking back, I'm sure he didn't take it as a compliment.

I've got another one. After waking all the way up after my colonoscopy butt light experience, the nurse removes the iv. When she ripped the 4000 layers of tape , I said "wow, that felt like a Brazilian wax". My wife starts apologizing, the nurse was laughing and I sat there with a "yeah baby" smirk on my face.

Absolutely true story here.....

I have told this one before on FBBO....but it's worth another run....

Back in around 1993, while working in London (England), I had a need for a tetanus booster shot. I had cut myself on the arm at work, and I knew I hadn't had one since childhood. So I call into my Dr on the way to work the next day. The Receptionist told me to go around and see the Nurse.
I get in the room, and the Nurse says to me to get ready, as she was getting the injection sorted out.

When she turned around, I had my shorts and underwear around my ankles, and I was bent over the bed - exposing my *** and tackle.

Horrified, she yelled to me - "Mr L***, we give tetanus in the arm these days. Put your pants back on!"

I chuckled a bit, she not so much. It was a very stony silent transaction to pay for that visit.

Another one.
My almost ex had Achilles surgery. They used a cadaver part to replace the damaged one.
On the follow up I'm in the exam room with her , as the doctor walks in , and I got the don't say anything to embarrass me look.
So doc checks her out and says looks good either of you have an questions, and again I get the look..
Ok then. So I said tell me doc. She said you used a cadaver part for the repair correct.
Sure, it's standard in situations like hers she will be fine.
I said what about me. He had a look of total confusion on his face. I said look here is my question did you use a male or female part.
It doesn't matter he replied . I said sure it does if, holding my arms up and about 2ft apart , look if I'm holding here legs up by the ankles. Am I holding all women or part dude.
He sat in the chair and said your good.

I was having my annual (prostrate) physical and it was with a "new" doctor. During the middle of the exam, when SHE had buried her finger as far as it could go, I whispered (loud enough for her to hear me) "I love you!" She pulled her finger out so fast I could swear there was a sonic boom.

retroron said:

I was having my annual (prostrate) physical and it was with a "new" doctor. During the middle of the exam, when SHE had buried her finger as far as it could go, I whispered (loud enough for her to hear me) "I love you!" She pulled her finger out so fast I could swear there was a sonic boom.

Click to expand...

Strange way to check your heart

I had just had a colonoscopy. In the recovery area the beds are separated with curtains allowing some privacy, but sounds still carry through. My wife was sitting at my side, and as I was waking up I would laugh in my sleep. This caused my O2 level to drop and the alarm would sound in my monitor. They nearly kicked my wife out thinking she was making me laugh until she told them to watch. Next to me was a woman waking up accompanied by a man. Now after a colonoscopy a person releases a LOT of air. The nurses encourage letting it out, so in the recovery room it sounded a bit like the campfire scene in "Blazing Saddles". Well, one time this woman released a big pile of air and it was long and loud. I started laughing, trying to suppress it so she wouldn't be embarrassed, and my alarm went off. She asked , "What the hell is that?" and he answered loud enough for all to hear, "You set off the alarm!" The whole place burst into laughter.

Mark Wainwright said:

Strange way to check your heart

Click to expand...

All depends where your heart is!

I have worked on medical equipment for 40 years, and have worked within the surgical areas quite a bit. I was employed at a hospital in Oklahoma City and after a day of working on sterilizers I was changing into my street clothes to go home. Two surgeons walked in to the dressing room at nearly the same time. They apparently didn't know each other's specialty and one asked the other, " Well, did you save a lot of lives today?" The answer was "No, I saved them from a fate worse than death. Sagging breasts and drooping chins!".

I was having a colonoscopy and an upper G I the same day. I asked the Dr to make sure he did the top one first. He didn't think that was funny for some reason. Maybe he did the bottom part first as payback.

When I got my first colonoscopy, as they rolled me into the procedure room they told me they wanted to try to keep me awake. Being aware of what was about to happen I did NOT want to be awake. I started telling jokes. The last thing I remember is someone saying "Would somebody PLEASE put him under!"

Mark Wainwright said:

Click to expand...

My doctor has a great sense of humor. When I asked about doing upper and lower, he said you bet, when the lights meet in the middle my job is easier!

True stories:

My wife and I were visiting my step-daughter in Santa Barbara, CA when I came down with a UTI (urinary tract infection) which would seem to hit me every one or two years or so. Step-daughter was familiar with a local urgent care center, so the three of us went to the clinic together. My wife and her daughter stayed in the waiting area and a female doctor (or physician's assistant) examined me and took some samples for the lab (which would take a couple of days for the results to return). So at the conclusion of the exam, I was prescribed one or two antibiotics used commonly to treat venereal disease. I made it very clear to the doctor I had only one partner (wife) and, in fact, she was present in the waiting room (if there was any question about her "fidelity"). The clinician insisted on not changing the RX to something more appropriate to my "everyday" UTI, while explaining that if the results of the lab tests came back negative, my RX would be switched.
I did not understand at the time (and never will) why she wanted to prescribe the wrong medication. Anyway, I later received a call and was told to pickup a different antibiotic. Crazy *****, that was an embarrassing and humiliating appointment.

My Dad is 35 years my senior and his personal physician was a kind of elder care physician in Monterey, CA. One week I was visiting Dad and was feeling ill, so he suggested I seek treatment from his own doctor (which I had seen on one or two previous occasions). This doctor has the custom of always ordering a shitload of lab tests no matter what the medical issue or symptoms. I forget now where my discomfort lied, but anyway, at the conclusion of the exam he recommended an HIV exam. I explained to him the both my wife and I had such exam prior to the marriage ceremony, we both had such exam since then for federal job offers, and I had a third prior to acceptance for a life insurance policy. He comes back with the statement that he remembered me having told him I had led a promiscuous lifestyle. I told him I never told that to anyone, let alone him, because that was a boldface lie. To make a long story short, I refused his suggestion of the HIV test and I refused to ever consult with him after that.
Now as a side note, I was renting an apartment in Tijuana, Mexico while attending San Diego State University as a Spanish major student either during this time or prior to it. Now sometimes I wonder if Dad somehow lost his mind and believed his goody-two shoes eldest son was visiting brothels in Mexico and called this doctor on my way over there (about a one-hour drive) and told him I was a sex addict?

Last but not least, while renting in Tijuana as a student (as explained above), I went to the emergency room of a private Catholic Hospital on Easter Sunday after having felt ill for a number of days previous. Without doing any lab tests or taking any x-rays, the female physician on duty diagnosed pneumonia after having listened to my lungs with her stethoscope. I was given meds and sent home and told to return with lab results the following week.
I don't remember the number/type of lab tests that were ordered, but in among the rest was an HIV test. Don't remember if that was discussed or not exam day, but the only person how I could possibly have caught such a disease (HIV) was my spouse who was healthy as a horse. Anyway, I was on my way to recovery from the pneumonia when I returned for the follow-up appointment. That's when I was told I was HIV positive, which did not make any sense at all (I had had some recent dental appointments in Tijuana and I had a blood transfusion way back in 1979 after a collision). Well, I did notice that the lab report had some "white-out" on the box showing the HIV result. The doctor ordered a second HIV screening which came back negative. Those two weeks of waiting probably aged me ten years. i assume it was someone in the chain of command that was playing a sick joke by changing the results of the first screening on the fly.

This stuff happened about twenty years ago, when many of us were still paranoid about catching the "unmentionable" virus before any viable treatments were commonly available.

Ok another one.
I'm 15 years old so this is way back.
I had surgery on my tailbone.
Back then they had Candy Strippers . Young lady's who did the dirty jobs for nurses.
After surgery I'm in recovery flat on my back. They tell this young lady , ok you can take him back to his room. So off we go, her pushing the bed with me in it . Still foggy from the anesthesia.
We go thru the door into the ER waiting room, which was packed with people and the nurse that told her to take me back comes running up saying wait is he dressed, meaning do I have a gown on.
They young lady took it to mean do a have a dressing on the incision. So she says yes. Well with that she literally rips of the sheet, saying sheets stay here, and low and beyond no gown.
I'm laughing, the young girl was frozen, people are screaming, laughing , applauding you name it.
Good times.