I did something stupid

Mate I think you need psychological help. You sound very negative, very depressed. Extremely low self esteem.
You wasted a lot of good people's time and effort over this.
You should at least thank all the members here who have offered their help and advice.
I have.

I'm sure my brain is screwed up; at a guess, I've been depressed since I was ten. Not willing to risk it.