Getting my *** handed to me.. these damm brakes

To me it sounds like your system has a mechanical springiness in it that should not be there.
Check that all the pads are flat and sitting squarely on the discs with full contact, and that no caliper brackets or pins are bent, and that no pistons are overly extended out of the bores.
You will probably need a helper on the pedal while you observe the action.I would start at the back.

What I have seen (among other things) is a bent steel-backer on a pad. The hydraulic pressure was adequate to flatten it with several pumps. But upon releasing the pedal, the bent pad would relax and push the piston up into the bore. and then it would take a few pumps to flatten it out again. Same with bent other stuff, and or a pile of silicon-type anti-squeal material globbed onto the back of the bad, or even a folded-over stainless shim, that only contacted half the piston, as well as bent brackets, that tipped the piston to one side..
If while testing, any one caliper or padset seems to show more movement than a few thousands of an inch, then that is the one I would go after first.

If you just can't find it;
Remove all the calipers and C-clamp the pistons to the bottom of the bores. This will allow NO mechanical movement. Now, if the pedal still goes soft after pumping it up and releasing; then you for sure have a hydraulic problem, and most likely, it will be in the M/C.
Good luck man; I know how frustrating this can be.