KABOOM! when hitting headlights.....

You spelled out most of what likely happened but missed the bigger picture... The headlights drew enough power to cause the point of high resistance (probably the bulkhead connector) to momentarily go open.. Thats what cut the ignition but the engine was still turning so air was still passing through the carb which caused the exhaust to get loaded with fuel, when the circuit closed & the engine fired again it lit the fuel in the exhaust...
Well, if that's not reason enough to put headlights on a relay, I don't know what is.
Both times it happened to me, it was a much more obvious cause and effect.

See the broken lead?
100_0809.JPG

The result:
0503131058-00.jpg