Short story from long ago

Photos got lost from the moves I've made over the years. Take a ride in a 450 horsepower 454 4 speed chevelle and then tell me what you think, I'll allow you time to change your shorts.
ah matey, row yer dingy back to shore, ye mistaken me for another who hasn't piloted a three masted clipper!

keep ya ropes cinched tight and ye pants tighter lest ye show yer whole bare *** to the crew!