Charging voltage too high.

I have confirmed the power to the relay goes away when the key is off... I'm getting 12v backfeeding from somewhere
Need more detail. At what terminal do you measure 12 V with key off? If the voltage drop from coil+ to coil- (85 to 86 or vice-versa) is zero, the relay should be OFF, regardless of what voltages are applied at the output terminal (usually 87 but could be 30). Often a bad ground can cause strange interactions, since the ground is no longer BAT-.