Jumper cables? Nah....there is a newer better solution.

Thanks for the advice to those that offered it.
I decided to give this one a try:

Here we go.

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This is compact enough to sit almost anywhere and not weigh 50 lbs.

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Looks simple.

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If all fails, there are directions.

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Charging port on one end, jumper cable ports on the other.

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Common electrical ports.

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Simple charger unit.

It was at 76% when I opened the box, within 2 minutes...

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I stepped away for about 5 minutes and it was at 100%. I'll test it soon and report back.

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That's very similar to the one I have. It works great! Don't expect it to turnover an engine with a completely dead battery. It's perfect if the battery just needs a little extra juice though. Mine's saved my *** a couple times - though I still carry jumper cables. I top off the charge every time I do an oil change as an easy way to remember.