Sis-in-Law needs a Prayer filled miracle

Is there a chaplain?

Call a tow truck for your MIL car. Have the hospital page her to a different floor. Have her go to the hospital cafeteria. Slip her a muscle relaxer and give her some schnapps. Commit her to the mental ward. Say her favorite actor is visiting the hospital signing autographs. See if a doctor can diagnose her with exhaustion and make her get some rest. Hit her over the head with a bar of soap in a sock. Think of something crazy but plausible.