I know you say all that tongue and cheek, but I can remember well some cars were just plain faster and quicker than they shouldda been.
@krazykuda Karl can attest to it, as well. He worked on the line for Chrysler for a while. He has some stories to tell. In fact, I got one. I had a friend whose father had a 1970 Impala four door. Just a family car. BUT it had a 300 horse 350 in it. Most were garden variety 250 or 270 horse, but this one got the 350/300. Every now and again David, my friend, would be granted use of the car. We'd go out terrorizing people in it. It was the ultimate sleeper. Four door and that GM mint green. We whooped up on many an unsuspecting opponent.
Then, David got a 69 Camaro. 250 horse 350. So one day we were over at David's and he kept looking back and forth at the Impala first, then the Camaro. The family was going on a long weekend vacation, but David, since he now was 18 and had a job, was staying home. Yup. We did an engine swap between that Impala and David's Camaro. The old man never knew the difference, because he never romped on the Impala to really know what it had. But David's car was now a holy terror. Now I fully admit, we were young and stupid. What was actually a 300 horse motor "could" have seem like more "JUST CAUSE" we were young and stupid. But both cars, first the Impala and then the Camaro claimed LOTS of victims "WE JUST KNEW" should have bested us, but didn't.