Divorce

Been there, done that. Separated a little over three years ago and divorced about six months later. You don't get over this sort of thing, you get through it. Leave the door open to communication with her. There was something that attracted you two to each other at one point. This may be the time to clear out the garbage of the relationship and take a new look at things. Who knows?

That may mean not communicating for a while to allow the raw edges of things to heal a little. For me, some things have become more clear over time without my ex. In reflection, there are things I have done that I am not proud of and apologised for at the time. I have also come to see that we fell into a destructive pattern that not only killed the relationship but impaired my mental health. If this has happened to you, get help. You'll enjoy yourself a lot more if you're healthy physically, mentally, and spiritually.

Be there for your kids. Help them to understand that they are not responsible for what went on between you and your wife. DO NOT ARGUE WITH OR SHOUT AT YOUR WIFE UNLESS YOUR KIDS ARE OUT OF TOWN. (Extreme, but you get the point.) Do not let your ex compromise your visitation rights.

If you feel yourself getting tense or angry when speaking with your wife, say so. Excuse yourself until you can regain control and balance. You do not have to have the last word.

Re-evalutate who you are and what you're about, then be it. Take the high ground. Be calm but resolute in your direction. Don't be afraid to feel or express your feelings appropriately. Own your own problems and don't take on hers.

Though you can try to keep your kids from taking sides, I don't think the same things can be said about friends and social situations. A pastor friend of mine says in a divorce, "some one gets the friends and the church". Not all will take a cooler attitude towards you, but some will.

Don't trash the ex, not even to your friends. It will make you look smaller. It may also get back to her and you know her well enough to know how she'll respond to that.

If you have a relationship with a more mature Christian, he may be a good sounding board for you. I hope he would be able to help you resolve the things you're reading in your Bible with the things you may be feeling. This has been very helpful for me.

My A-body work has been a good constructive outlet for me, too. I spend time working on them or doing research for them when I would have spent the time with my wife in the past.

Life is a journey. If you believe that Jesus Christ paid the price for your sins, you know how it will end up. The issue now is dealing with this speed bump along the way. Best wishes.