My wife needs a man

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highwayhooligan

Glorified Welder
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Grand Rapids, MI
My wife needs a man.

And not just any man. Oh, no.

She needs a man who is very handsome, very accomplished, highly educated, very articulate, reasonably wealthy, and who is a good listener. Here's the kicker: you must have so little self-esteem that being completely submissive comes to you as naturally as the way a light turns off when somebody hits the switch. And then comes on again when a certain someone changes their mind just a moment later.

Do you like hours and hours of antiquing on beautiful summer days and offering meaningless approval of others' purchases? Hey, good.

Do you like being asked about home decorating selections by someone who has no intention of actually taking your opinions? Very good. You're on a roll.

Do you mind abandoning your friendships and foregoing the chance to make new ones? Hey, excellent!

Would it bother you if long-held plans that you were kinda looking forward to are routinely abandoned without notice? No, of course you wouldn't. Hey - you're really rocking now.

Those pots and pans you were told to remove from the dishwasher - like, you weren't actually planning on putting them somewhere without first consulting someone, were you? Oh, good.

Do you have the ability to nod and utter "um-hmm" at socially appropriate moments for long periods of time without actually asking or saying anything? (You can't try and avoid this by listening to your iPod on long car trips. I've tried this. It does not work. I have two busted pairs of earphones to show for it.)

If all that is true, then certainly you won't mind it if the Redwings game you were looking forward to ALL FREAKING WEEK is switched off in favor of an epidode of HGTV's "My Home is Worth What?" that you're pretty sure you sat through two weeks ago.

If you have all of these qualities, I'll bankroll you in a comfortable lifestyle at a level to be determined by my wife's yet-to-be-hired lawyer. You'll enjoy a 3 bedroom suburban colonial with a pretty damn nice kitchen. You'll have your own space in a two-car garage for your car. You'll have a small, yappy little dog with bad breath that is yours to walk on a rhinestone-studded, hot-pink leash - first thing every morning and last thing every evening. And you'll have a one-acre lawn to keep manicured. (Neglect it at your peril, friend.)

If you're interested, you can reach me by satellite phone. I'll be on the deck of a leaky old bass boat off the coast of Florida drinking a Corona and listening to some Jimmy Buffett and thinking about something other than the balance of my 401(k).

Oh - I almost forgot: there will be no sex. Like, none.

If you're interested, hit me up with an e-mail and we'll get you all fixed up.
 
The other night we she was watching that show 'Snapped' on the ****** channel. It's a show about women who kill their husbands/boyfriends.

I stood and watched as this women talked about how she shot her husband point blank while he was fixing the sink. I looked at my wife and said, "why can't you shoot me? That guy is so lucky."

She actually said, "if I shoot you, I won't be able to collect your life insurance. I'm waiting for you to fall off the roof or for your car to fall off the jack."
 
So your the sap who married my ex ain't karma a ***** -I only lost a "national home"in Lansing and I ran the previous runt dog over when I left suggest you do the same it will make it less likely she will try to come back :rock:

P.S. did she take you to Dansville to show you the Burning Bed house yet ?
 
On a more fun note.....how many coronas did you have when you married her??????? J/K at least you got your car to ride !
 
My wife USED to be cool. I met her at a drag strip. Of course, she was selling t-shirts, but nonetheless, it was a drag strip.

She's been hanging with the neighborhood girls the last couple of years. These are women who don't work that are too busy doing yoga to stay limber for the college studs to get a job , drive TOYOTA mini-vans and "sell" Avon on the side. They live in their mini-mansions while their husbands (who are like robots) work their asses off.

I think my wife need's a trip back out to the drag strip where I found her so that reality can set back in. Or, maybe she needs new friends. I think she's got greed fever.
 
I once read: Do not get married, just find a b**ch you hate, and buy her a house- same outcome.
I told my boss, as he just got divorced and moved into an apartment, and he completely agrees.
 
My wife USED to be cool. I met her at a drag strip. Of course, she was selling t-shirts, but nonetheless, it was a drag strip.

She's been hanging with the neighborhood girls the last couple of years. These are women who don't work that are too busy doing yoga to stay limber for the college studs to get a job , drive TOYOTA mini-vans and "sell" Avon on the side. They live in their mini-mansions while their husbands (who are like robots) work their asses off.

I think my wife need's a trip back out to the drag strip where I found her so that reality can set back in. Or, maybe she needs new friends. I think she's got greed fever.

I'm lucky. My girl is working the other way. When I met her, she drove a toyota, and wanted to be a vet.

Now, she drives a 74 Nova, does medical reception, and sidelines in pinup photography.

And *she* drinks all the corona.

Of course, I drink the Jamesons. Fair trade. :snakeman:
 
Hey Highwayhooligan, When your off the coast of FL make sure it's not around Tampa. My ex lurks in the waters and has been known to be a bottom feeder as well as a top feeder! Stick to the East and South beaches, they only have sharks there!
 
Well when ya get to florida look me up them coronas sound good,and I got a 6 cd set of jimmy buffet that I switch from the duster to the waggin depending on the one I'm driving.we'll cheer you up!!!if that don't work I'll introduce you to my ex :cheers:
 
Yea some pic's of the corona's or the fishing boat would add a nice touch to this thread!!!!!if it get's that bad you can crash my crib for a few days!!
Could you post some photos!!---LOL

tikibar.JPG
 
Sound like the one I divorced two years ago that put me about 200,000 in the hole......
 
If all that is true, then certainly you won't mind it if the Redwings game you were looking forward to ALL FREAKING WEEK is switched off in favor of an epidode of HGTV's "My Home is Worth What?" that you're pretty sure you sat through two weeks ago.

Why were you looking forward to wings game? she did you a favor so you didnt have to watch the pens win the series...i applaude her..:bootysha:
 
my ex is in louisiana thank god lol. my wife now read this post and fliped lol she wanted to post a reply but i got her away from the laptop. good luck
 
Twistex...how about some of them photos you mention???
I'm lucky. My girl is working the other way. When I met her, she drove a toyota, and wanted to be a vet.

Now, she drives a 74 Nova, does medical reception, and sidelines in pinup photography.

And *she* drinks all the corona.

Of course, I drink the Jamesons. Fair trade. :snakeman:
 
Man, that B**ch gets around. From what I've read so far, she's married at lease ten men. (11 including me) Keep your head up, hire a good lawyer, and don't sweat it. My EX tired everything and ended up with very little. I kept the house, my shop, and my toys. Hell, I didn't want the furniture or new car anyways! LOL
 
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