I have a gopher, how do I kill it?

Sounds like you need.....

Carl Spackler:
License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote.


Carl Spackler: I have to laugh, because I've outsmarted even myself. My enemy, my foe, is an animal. In order to conquer the animal, I have to learn to think like an animal. And, whenever possible, to look like one. I got to get into this dude's pelt and crawl around for a few days. Who's the gopher's ally. His friends. The harmless squirrel and the friendly rabbit.


Somehow I have a gopher, I didn't even know they existed in central Texas, but it seems I have one. How can I kill this bastard? He is digging in the part of my land that is soft and loamy sand (under my carport, yay). He makes the piles, but then come back and fills in the holes shortly afterwords. He also must be deep cause I have dug a couple of feet into the ground close to where holes were at and I can't find a tunnel. What do I do, I can't afford to call a pest control company. Is there some kind of poison I can buy?

Thanks