OMG need help fast

You gave the engine a few good revolutions in your check right? You'd have to do 2 full crank revolutions for a complete cycle. If your valve isn't opening it sounds like your exhaust lobe is worn down to nothing. You could pull the intake and visually see the cam lobe. If the lifter is not raising when the engine is turned that would indicate a lobe is gone. Maybe somebody else has seen that before can chime in.

Edit - Maybe you have a collapsed hydraulic lifter. If the lifter raises in the bore but your pushrod just keeps collapsing into the plunger in the lifter that would be good news compared to a worn out cam. But I've never seen this issue in person, I don't know if a lifter can collapse enought to not even open the valve.