Mike, my niece tried that at the age of 15 and lived to tell about it. All over a guy she thought she couldn't live without. After she healed she discovered what a piece of trash the guy really was.
Diane is now 36 married and is expecting her second child in a few months, she looks back at that time in her life and can't believe she ever considered doing that to herself. The lord intervened on her behalf then and I hope he lightens your hart so you can see clearly the road ahead.
Keep talking to someone and you'll work it out.
God Bless
