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THINGS YOU CAN "ONLY" SAY AT CHRISTMAS :toothy1: 1: I prefer breasts to legs. 2: Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist. 3: Smother the butter all over the breasts. 4: If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst! 5: I've never seen a better spread! 6: I fancy a...

This Lady ran over a mattress and decided to keep going. The ensuing jumble finally whipped around enough to put a tear in the gas tank, the subsequent lack of fuel is what finally brought this vehicle to its knees. It had still managed to drive 30 more miles decently with a 60lb tangle...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=io-kHSo5ucE

Daddy's car in the woods? Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home...

Bad planing!

Could have a point!!

Cool...

Holidays were now over for the summer and it was the first day of class. As every year before the teacher had asked her students to draw something on the blackboard that was exciting over the holidays. Bobby's name was called first and he drew a bicycle with a bell and steamers coming from...

Breaking News: CNN reports that gas stations will start showing **** movies on the screens of the pumps so that you can see someone else get screwed at the same time you do.: !! To gets taxes :thebirdm:

The driver hit the left turn light and sheared off the light post at the base, and then kept driving on about 2 km to Squires Four Pub, where he stopped for more beer!! How pissed do you have to be to NOT notice that you are carrying a lamp standard?

It true...only 2 1/2 inches can totally satisfy a women! :love8:

I think "I" would drink more!! :-D

A husband wrote the following letter for his wife and left it on the dining room table: To My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore after...

Well....maybe in realitiy there not so funny!! "but true"

Beam me up Scotty!!

Almost pissed myself laughing! :burnout: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FwA2gZ0eUc

I found this browsing our forum!! Should we shoot it? http://www.forabodiesonly.com/mopar/member.php?u=171 :laughing:

I've seen a lot of nice American flags in my days but there's something about this one that gets my attention!! :usa2: :grin:

It's only Monday! and you may be in need for a smile or laugh. What the hell, it's free.:toothy7:

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF) These boys will be dropped off in Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists : 1. The season opened today. 2. There is no...

A small child was lost at a large shopping mall. A uniformed policeman approached the crying child and asked what was wrong. Screaming, the child answered, "I've lost my grandpa!" The cop asked, "What's he like?" The little child hesitated for a moment, stopped crying and then...

I like it!!

Good Funny! Require Sound http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIHQi7KUJBg

A soldier came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there.Out of breath he asked, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few minutes. I'll explain WHY later." The nun agreed. Just a moment later two Military Police came running along and asked, "Sister, have you seen a...

The proper way to pronounce Oklahoma is ' Okla ....homa' (there's a PAUSE between the A and the H) see the attached example

Life is good!

Train Travel _ Marriage Bliss!! :sad9: A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very...

Ouch!! :shaking2: 300 less hangovers to be had, I would say!

Wow, If your computer room looks like this......it's time to find another hobby!

Today I had to replace light bulbs in the kitchen. But my sweet wife told me I was too old and clumsy to be standing on a ladder. So, I asked a neighbor. Then I held the ladder while the bulbs were being replaced. Sometimes?getting older doesn't mean getting stupid..........